The Four Sons of the Haggadah

בס"ד

The Four Sons of the Haggadah

A Theo-psychological Treatise

The Four Sons of the Haggadah

Isaac Brach

 MHC-LP CASAC-T

Parenting 

Spring 2018©

Author Note

Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Isaac Brach at

hello@isaacbrach.com

Abstract

In this paper, the author uses a novel approach to address the subject of parenting, a challenge facing so many in our community in this age of technology and independence. Upon scrutinizing the holy text of the Torah, particularly the script of the Passover Hagaddah, for guidance, the author suggests an elucidation of the text (using a systematic approach which results in a precise rendering of the Hagaddah’s directive) and an assertion as to the Torah’s guidelines for parenting. Finally, the author uses scientific theory and statistics to demonstrate the veracity of his assertions.

By using this method, of creating a developmental theory based on the synthetization of our holy Torah and true science, the author demonstrates the depth, breadth, and relevance of even the most prosaic legends of our Torah in our daily lives[1]( to those who are ambivalent as to its bearing). Equally, by correlating the statistical results to the instructions provided to us by the Torah, the author hopes to introduce the validity of true science to a community that has previously shunned or avoided psychotherapeutic solutions.

THE FOUR SONS OF THE HAGGADAH

Passover is that time of year where Jewish families all over the world rejoice in the commemoration of the Jewish exodus from Egypt 1446 BC. The primary feature of Passover is the Seder when the reading of Haggadah[2] takes place. The Haggadah, which is essentially an account of the Jewish Exodus from Egypt, serves both as a means of fulfilling the primary obligation of the evening, which is the re-telling of the events of the Exodus to our children, and also as the itinerary, with instructions on how to conduct the evening's program.

 As the Haggadah begins its narrative of the Exodus, it reminds us of our obligation to share our history with our children. Throughout the year we are commanded by G-d to remember the Exodus from Egypt every single day by donning phylacteries on the arm opposite the heart and on the head over the brain. So that one recalls the miracles and wonders that He performed on our behalf and which reflect His unity demonstrating that He has the power and sovereignty to do as He desires in the upper realms in the lower realms. Doing so, we are reminded to subjugate our soul, which abides in our brain , to the Holy One blessed be He, and the desires and thoughts of our hearts, to His service. Thus by putting on these reminders one will remember the Creator blessed be He and minimize the seeking of worldly pleasure (Shulchan Aruch Harav, 25:11)

On this night of Passover the commandment is extended, not only to remind ourselves of our relationship to G-d, but also to our children[3]. To suitably impress this relationship to our children we do so by utilizing the power of the story[4] to enrapture our children in the experience. We are encouraged to relate the story of our Exodus using the Socratic Method (Mishnah Berurah, 472:16:50) and engaging as many of our senses in the process. The pages of the Haggadah are usually illustrated with depictions of the Exodus, we eat the unleavened bread, and the bitter herb overwhelms our sense of smell and taste. Additionally, we engage in many other acts which are meant to actualize the experience[5] and entertain the children. Thus, by the sharing of our history in this manner we create an intimate bond and an everlasting continuous chain between generations acknowledging the special relationship we have with our Creator. This is certainly, the raison d'etre for this commandment.

This bond that is created by this commandment and others that utilize the familial relationship has served the Jewish people well throughout our two thousand years of exile. As every single Torah scroll, despite divisions of time and space are virtually the same. Even our Talmud, Siddur and Haggadah, etc. have only slight variations based on the different needs and traditions of the various communities of the Exile.    

 When one contemplates the power and the objective of this commandment, one cannot but be stunned by the realization of how much is dependent[6] on the relationship between parent and child. Unfortunately, the relationship between parents and their children are not always on a level that is conducive to such a bond. The result is that many children are alienated from their heritage, and many end up seeking meaning in alien pastures or worse live lives devoid of meaning.

It is clear that the onus[7] for the success of this relationship lies with the parents. We must therefore inquire and study: What is the proper way for parents to interact with their children so that they nurture the optimum relationship? Furthermore, how does the quality of our relationship effect the way our children react to our instruction. Finally, how does our relationship effect the potential and the character of our children? 

Literature Review

To gain some clarity, let us examine the primary commandment of the night, i.e., the relating of the story of the Exodus by the parent to their child. This requirement is derived from four verses in the Torah that mention the concept of sharing our heritage, with our children The verses, in the order that they appear in the Torah, are as follows:

1.     וְהָיָ֞ה כִּֽי־תָבֹ֣אוּ אֶל־הָאָ֗רֶץ אֲשֶׁ֨ר יִתֵּ֧ן יְהוָ֛ה לָכֶ֖ם כַּאֲשֶׁ֣ר דִּבֵּ֑ר וּשְׁמַרְתֶּ֖ם אֶת־הָעֲבֹדָ֥ה הַזֹּֽאת׃וְהָיָ֕ה כִּֽי־יֹאמְר֥וּ אֲלֵיכֶ֖ם בְּנֵיכֶ֑ם מָ֛ה הָעֲבֹדָ֥ה הַזֹּ֖את לָכֶֽם׃וַאֲמַרְתֶּ֡ם זֶֽבַח־פֶּ֨סַח ה֜וּא לַֽיהוָ֗ה אֲשֶׁ֣ר פָּ֠סַח עַל־בָּתֵּ֤י בְנֵֽי־יִשְׂרָאֵל֙ בְּמִצְרַ֔יִם בְּנָגְפּ֥וֹ אֶת־מִצְרַ֖יִם וְאֶת־בָּתֵּ֣ינוּ הִצִּ֑יל וַיִּקֹּ֥ד הָעָ֖ם וַיִּֽשְׁתַּחֲוּֽוּ׃

And it shall come to pass when you enter the land that the Lord will give you as He spoke, that you shall observe this service. And it will come to pass if your children say to you, what is this service to you?  And you shall say, it is a Passover sacrifice to the Lord, for He passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt when He smote the Egyptians, and He saved our houses. And the people kneeled and prostrated themselves. (Exodus 12:25-27)

2.     וְהִגַּדְתָּ֣ לְבִנְךָ֔ בַּיּ֥וֹם הַה֖וּא לֵאמֹ֑ר בַּעֲב֣וּר זֶ֗ה עָשָׂ֤ה יְהוָה֙ לִ֔י בְּצֵאתִ֖י מִמִּצְרָֽיִם

And you shall relate to your son on that day, saying, "Because of this, the Lord did [this] for me when I went out of Egypt." (Exodus 13:8)

3.     וְהָיָ֞ה כִּֽי־יִשְׁאָלְךָ֥ בִנְךָ֛ מָחָ֖ר לֵאמֹ֣ר מַה־זֹּ֑את וְאָמַרְתָּ֣ אֵלָ֔יו בְּחֹ֣זֶק יָ֗ד הוֹצִיאָ֧נוּ יְהוָ֛ה מִמִּצְרַ֖יִם מִבֵּ֥ית עֲבָדִֽים׃

And it will come to pass if your son asks you tomorrow, saying, "What is this?" you shall say to him, "With a mighty hand did the Lord take us out of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. (Exodus 13:14)

4.     כִּי־יִשְׁאָלְךָ֥ בִנְךָ֛ מָחָ֖ר לֵאמֹ֑ר מָ֣ה הָעֵדֹ֗ת וְהַֽחֻקִּים֙ וְהַמִּשְׁפָּטִ֔ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר צִוָּ֛ה יְהוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֵ֖ינוּ אֶתְכֶֽם׃וְאָמַרְתָּ֣ לְבִנְךָ֔ עֲבָדִ֛ים הָיִ֥ינוּ לְפַרְעֹ֖ה בְּמִצְרָ֑יִם וַיּוֹצִיאֵ֧נוּ יְהוָ֛ה מִמִּצְרַ֖יִם בְּיָ֥ד חֲזָקָֽה׃וַיִּתֵּ֣ן יְהוָ֡ה אוֹתֹ֣ת וּ֠מֹפְתִים גְּדֹלִ֨ים וְרָעִ֧ים ׀ בְּמִצְרַ֛יִם בְּפַרְעֹ֥ה וּבְכָל־בֵּית֖וֹ לְעֵינֵֽינוּ׃וְאוֹתָ֖נוּ הוֹצִ֣יא מִשָּׁ֑ם לְמַ֙עַן֙ הָבִ֣יא אֹתָ֔נוּ לָ֤תֶת לָ֙נוּ֙ אֶת־הָאָ֔רֶץ אֲשֶׁ֥ר נִשְׁבַּ֖ע לַאֲבֹתֵֽינוּ׃יְצַוֵּ֣נוּ יְהוָ֗ה לַעֲשׂוֹת֙ אֶת־כָּל־הַחֻקִּ֣ים הָאֵ֔לֶּה לְיִרְאָ֖ה אֶת־יְהוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֵ֑ינוּ לְט֥וֹב לָ֙נוּ֙ כָּל־הַיָּמִ֔ים לְחַיֹּתֵ֖נוּ כְּהַיּ֥וֹם הַזֶּֽה׃וּצְדָקָ֖ה תִּֽהְיֶה־לָּ֑נוּ כִּֽי־נִשְׁמֹ֨ר לַעֲשׂ֜וֹת אֶת־כָּל־הַמִּצְוָ֣ה הַזֹּ֗את לִפְנֵ֛י יְהוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֵ֖ינוּ כַּאֲשֶׁ֥ר צִוָּֽנוּ׃

If your son asks you tomorrow, saying, "What are the testimonies, the statutes, and the ordinances, which the Lord our G-d has commanded you? You shall say to your son, "We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt, and the Lord took us out of Egypt with a strong hand. And the Lord took us out of Egypt with a strong hand... And the Lord commanded us to perform all these statutes, to fear the Lord, our G-d, for our good all the days, to keep us alive, as of this day. And it will be for our merit that we keep to observe all these commandments before the Lord, our G-d, as He has commanded us." (Deut. 6:20-25)

As we are introduced to the subject of retelling the story of Exodus to our children, the Haggadah begins:

בָּרוּךְ הַמָּקוֹם, בָּרוּךְ הוּא, בָּרוּךְ שֶׁנָּתַן תּוֹרָה לְעַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל, בָּרוּךְ הוּא. כְּנֶגֶד אַרְבָּעָה בָנִים דִּבְּרָה תוֹרָה: אֶחָד חָכָם, וְאֶחָד רָשָׁע, וְאֶחָד תָּם, וְאֶחָד שֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹדֵעַ לִשְׁאוֹל.

Blessed is the omnipresent One, blessed be He!

Blessed is He who gave the Torah to His people Israel, blessed be He!

The Torah speaks of four children: one wise, (חכם) one wicked, (רשע) one simple, (תם) and one who does not know to ask ((שאינו יודע לשאול.

The Haggadah continues and queries:

חָכָם מָה הוּא אוֹמֵר? מָה הָעֵדוֹת וְהַחֻקִּים וְהַמִּשְׁפָּטִים אֲשֶׁר צִוָּה ה' אֱלֹהֵינוּ אֶתְכֶם. וְאַף אַתָּה אֱמוֹר לוֹ כְּהִלְכוֹת הַפֶּסַח: אֵין מַפְטִירִין אַחַר הַפֶּסַח אֲפִיקוֹמָן:

What does the wise [son] say? "'What are these testimonies, statutes and judgments that the Lord our God commanded you?' (Deuteronomy 6:20)"

The Haggadah then instructs:

And accordingly you will say to him, as per the laws of the Pesach sacrifice, "We may not eat an afikoman [a dessert or other foods eaten after the meal] after [we are finished eating] the Pesach sacrifice. (Mishnah Pesachim 10:8)"

The Haggadah continues its query:

רָשָׁע מָה הוּא אוֹמֵר? מָה הָעֲבוֹדָה הַזּאֹת לָכֶם. לָכֶם – וְלֹא לוֹ. וּלְפִי שֶׁהוֹצִיא אֶת עַצְמוֹ מִן הַכְּלָל כָּפַר בְּעִקָּר. וְאַף אַתָּה הַקְהֵה אֶת שִׁנָּיו וֶאֱמוֹר לוֹ: "בַּעֲבוּר זֶה עָשָׂה ה' לִי בְּצֵאתִי מִמִּצְרָיִם". לִי וְלֹא־לוֹ. אִלּוּ הָיָה שָׁם, לֹא הָיָה נִגְאָל:

          What does the wicked one say?  “What is this service of yours?!”

The Haggadah then points out:

He says “of yours”—implying that it is not for him. By excluding himself from the community, he denies the essential principle of Judaism, the obligation to fulfill the commandments of the Torah.

The Haggadah then instructs:

(In addition to giving him the response the Torah gives to his question (Exodus 12:27),

[I.e., It is a Passover offering [to G‑d, Who passed over the homes of the Children of Israel in Egypt, when He smote Egypt and saved our homes])

You should also “blunt his teeth” and say to him “It is because of this [that I would fulfill His commandments, such as this Passover offering, matzah, and maror] that G‑d acted for me when I left Egypt (Exodus 13:8)—for me, but not for him. If he [the wicked child] had been there, he would not have been redeemed.”

The Haggadah continues its query:

תָּם מָה הוּא אוֹמֵר? מַה זּאֹת? וְאָמַרְתָּ אֵלָיו "בְּחוֹזֶק יָד הוֹצִיאָנוּ ה' מִמִּצְרַיִם מִבֵּית עֲבָדִים".

The Simple One—what does he say?   “What is this [celebration about]?”

The Haggadah then instructs:

You shall say to him, "With a mighty hand did the Lord take us out of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. (Exodus 13:14)

The Haggadah then continues and instructs:

וְשֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹדֵעַ לִשְׁאוֹל – אַתְּ פְּתַח לוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר, וְהִגַּדְתָּ לְבִנְךָ בַּיּוֹם הַהוּא לֵאמֹר, בַּעֲבוּר זֶה עָשָׂה ה' לִי בְּצֵאתִי מִמִּצְרָיִם.

As for The One Who Knows Not to Ask—you must open up [the conversation] for him.

As it is written: You shall tell your child on that day: “It is because of this that G‑d acted for me when I left Egypt” (Exodus 13:8).

Research Questions

As one studies this text, with a little more than a simple reading, one is confronted with many difficulties. We can understand the introduction; The Haggadah is about to expound on the importance of reiterating the Exodus Story to our children, it, therefore, starts by recognizing and stating that these instructions are not self-derived, rather they are derived from the Holy Torah that was given to us by the Creator of the world blessed be He   כְּנֶגֶד אַרְבָּעָה בָנִים דִּבְּרָה תוֹרָה. However, once we move on, the meaning of the text becomes cryptic.  

1)     Why does the Haggadah use the word one before each son?

2)     Why does the Haggadah resolve that the Torah is talking about four different children?

3)     If it is so, why does the Torah talk about only four types of children? Why not five? What is the significance of these four types?

4)     Why does the Haggadah recount them in this particular order? (Wise, Wicked, Simple, Does not know to ask) This order conforms neither to the order in which the children are mentioned in the Torah (Wicked, Simple, Does Not Know to Ask, Wise) nor to the order of their moral standing, in which the wicked child should be last?

5)     What is the common theme linking these types?

a.      If they are listed in order of their intellectual capacities −The wise child; the wicked child, who is also wise but whose insolence leads him to act wickedly; the simple child, who has at least enough intelligence to ask; and finally the one who does not know to ask− then why include the fact that the second son is wicked. Moreover, why are we to assume that a Wise son is righteous? 

b.     If its common theme is morality or piety (as the inclusion of Wicked suggests) then why is the Wicked son not mentioned last? Furthermore, the other three mentioned do not seem to portray a measure of piety.

c.      Moreover, if one were to answer that the first two are a measure of morality and the other two intellectual capacity, why is the Wise son juxtaposed to the Wicked son wouldn’t the Righteous son have been a better choice.?

6)     If the Haggadah instructs that we should respond to the Wise son by describing the great miracle as described in scripture and by teaching him all the laws, why is it necessary to notably mention the specific rules of Afikomen?

7)     Why not eat dessert after eating the Passover offering, what is the significance of savoring[8] the taste of the Passover offering?

8)     How is the Wicked son’s question different than the Wise son's question? Both seem to have excluded the others in their question; the Wicked son says “service of yours” the Wise son says “has commanded to you."

9)      If we look at the at the complete quoted scripture we find that the Torah instructs us to admonish the Wise son to adhere to all the laws:

And the Lord commanded us to perform all these statutes, to fear the Lord, our G-d, for our good all the days, to keep us alive, as of this day. 25) And it will be for our merit that we observe to do all these commandments before the Lord, our G-d, as He has commanded us." (Deut. 6:24-25)

However regarding the Wicked son, we are not instructed so, rather we just relate the miracle:  

 And you shall say, It is a Passover sacrifice to the Lord, for He passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt when He smote the Egyptians, and He saved our houses. And the people kneeled and prostrated themselves. (Exodus 12:27)

               Why is this so? Would it not be all the more prudent that we admonish the Wicked boy as well so that he behave properly?

10) Why does the Haggadah instruct us regarding the Wicked son using the metaphor “blunt his teeth?”

11) Why does the Haggadah instruct us regarding the Wicked son using the third person, e.g. “for me, but not for him? If he[9] [the wicked child] had been there, he would not have been redeemed.”

12) The Haggadah derives from the word “me” that it means to exclude the Wicked.

a.      Why does the Haggadah use the verse quoted for the “The One Who Knows Not to Ask” i.e., Exodus 13:8 to address the Wicked son?

b.     Moreover, why does not the Baal Haggadah also infer the lesson of   “for me, but not for him” for the One Who Knows Not to Ask[10], why only for the Wicked son?

c.       Aren’t we taught that G-d waits for repentance until the day of death? Why not assume that scripture is excluding the Egyptians? Why assume that the Wicked son would not have been saved?  

13) When one studies the verses mentioned above one notices divergent language in the verses:

a.       When the Torah addresses the Wise son and The Simple son it uses the terms such as “if”, “asks”, and “Tomorrow” (i.e. And it will come to pass if your son asks you tomorrow, and, If your son asks you tomorrow), however when addressing The One Who Knows Not to Ask it uses the terms  “And you shall relate to your son on that day” and when addressing the Wicked son it uses “if” and “say”  “ And it will come to pass if your children say to you” without using the word tomorrow . When the word tomorrow suggests immediacy[11]; as sure as the morrow not eventually?

b.     Why does the Torah use the word “אמַרְתָּ," “You shall say” which connotes speaking softly and direct by the Wise and Simple son but by the Wicked[12]  and The One Who Knows Not to Ask he uses הִגַּדְתָּ (as the Haggadah uses the same verse) “you shall relate” indirectly and soft or hard words?

14) If we look at the at the whole verse prescribed to the Simple son, we find that the Torah emphasizes the punishment that G-d wrought on the Egyptians and the Laws that we committed to as a result:

In days to come, when your son asks you, ‘What is this?’ say to him, With a mighty hand the Lord brought us out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 15 When Pharaoh stubbornly refused to let us go, the Lord killed the firstborn of both people and animals in Egypt. This is why I sacrifice to the Lord the first male offspring of every womb and redeem each of my firstborn sons. And it will be like a sign on your hand and a symbol on your forehead that the Lord brought us out of Egypt with his mighty hand.'

Why is it that it is for this son that punishment and subsequent commitments are stressed?

15) We see that the Torah instructs to relate the events to the last son without him asking. What is it about the last son that he does not know to ask?

16) When instructing regarding the One Who Knows Not to Ask Why does the Baal Haggadah use the feminine of At Psach Lo?

Parenting

In order to answer these questions and gain a better understanding of the message the Haggaddah means to impart we must broaden our search to other areas in our Torah. Doing so, we find that King Solomon address this subject in[13]his magnum opus, Proverbs.  The following are some of the verses we find in Proverbs pertaining this issue:

·       Hear my child the discipline of your father and do not forsake the teachings of your mother (Proverbs 1:8) שְׁמַ֣ע בְּ֭נִי מוּסַ֣ר אָבִ֑יךָ וְאַל־תִּ֝טֹּ֗שׁ תּוֹרַ֥ת אִמֶּֽךָ׃

·       My child, do not despise Hashem's discipline and do not be disgusted with his reproof (Proverbs 3:11) מוּסַ֣ר יְ֭הוָה בְּנִ֣י אַל־תִּמְאָ֑ס וְאַל־תָּ֝קֹ֗ץ בְּתוֹכַחְתּֽוֹ׃

·       For Hashem admonishes the ones He loves and like a father He mollifies a child (Proverbs 3:12) כִּ֤י אֶ֥ת אֲשֶׁ֣ר יֶאֱהַ֣ב יְהוָ֣ה יוֹכִ֑יחַ וּ֝כְאָ֗ב אֶת־בֵּ֥ן יִרְצֶֽה׃

·       My son, keep the commands of your father and do not forsake the instruction of your mother. (Proverbs 6:20) נְצֹ֣ר בְּ֭נִי מִצְוַ֣ת אָבִ֑יךָ וְאַל־תִּ֝טֹּ֗שׁ תּוֹרַ֥ת אִמֶּֽךָ׃

·       He who chastens a scoffer takes disgrace for himself, and he who reproves a wicked man that is his blemish. (Proverbs 9:7) יֹ֤סֵ֨ר ׀ לֵ֗ץ לֹקֵ֣חַֽ ל֣וֹ קָל֑וֹן וּמוֹכִ֖יחַ לְרָשָׁ֣ע מוּמֽוֹ׃

·       He who hates his child spares his child, but he who loves him disciplines him regularly (Proverbs 13:24) חוֹשֵׂ֣ךְ שִׁ֭בְטוֹ שׂוֹנֵ֣א בְנ֑וֹ וְ֝אֹהֲב֗וֹ שִֽׁחֲר֥וֹ מוּסָֽר׃

·       The humility caused by the rebuke of an understanding personמֵבִין [is more effective] to a fool, than a hundred blows. (Proverbs 17:10) תֵּ֣חַת גְּעָרָ֣ה בְמֵבִ֑ין מֵהַכּ֖וֹת כְּסִ֣יל מֵאָֽה׃

·       When a scoffer לֵץ is punished, a fool פֶּתִי gains wisdom, but when a wise man is instructed, he increases knowledge. (Proverbs 21:11) בַּעְנָשׁ־לֵ֭ץ יֶחְכַּם־פֶּ֑תִי וּבְהַשְׂכִּ֥יל לְ֝חָכָ֗ם יִקַּח־דָּֽעַת׃

·       Train a child according to his way; even when he grows old, he will not turn away from it (Proverbs 22:6) חֲנֹ֣ךְ לַ֭נַּעַר עַל־פִּ֣י דַרְכּ֑וֹ גַּ֥ם כִּֽי־יַ֝זְקִ֗ין לֹֽא־יָס֥וּר מִמֶּֽנָּה׃

·       Foolishness is bound in a child's heart; the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15) אִ֭וֶּלֶת קְשׁוּרָ֣ה בְלֶב־נָ֑עַר שֵׁ֥בֶט מ֝וּסָ֗ר יַרְחִיקֶ֥נָּה מִמֶּֽנּוּ׃

·       Do not withhold discipline from a child; when you strike him with a rod, he will not die. (Proverbs 23:13) אַל־תִּמְנַ֣ע מִנַּ֣עַר מוּסָ֑ר כִּֽי־תַכֶּ֥נּוּ בַ֝שֵּׁ֗בֶט לֹ֣א יָמֽוּת׃

·       Open rebuke is better than concealed love (Proverbs 27:5) ט֭וֹבָה תּוֹכַ֣חַת מְגֻלָּ֑ה מֵֽאַהֲבָ֥ה מְסֻתָּֽרֶת׃

·       A rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left free brings shame to his mother. (Proverbs 29:15) שֵׁ֣בֶט וְ֭תוֹכַחַת יִתֵּ֣ן חָכְמָ֑ה וְנַ֥עַר מְ֝שֻׁלָּ֗ח מֵבִ֥ישׁ אִמּֽוֹ׃

·       Chastise your son, and he will give you rest, and he will grant pleasures to your soul. (Proverbs 29:17) יַסֵּ֣ר בִּ֭נְךָ וִֽינִיחֶ֑ךָ וְיִתֵּ֖ן מַעֲדַנִּ֣ים לְנַפְשֶֽׁךָ׃

If we examine these verses carefully, we notice two primary components discussed concerning parenting. On the one hand, we have words that suggest control and rigidity, and on the other, we have words that imply affection and collaboration (See table below). The word for discipline מוּסַר shares the same etymology as מוסַר which means reins, fetters, or restrictions. Whereas the root of the word for love אֱהַבה is הַב which means it’s opposite − to give.

We, therefore, must examine how and when these seemingly opposites components are to be utilized.

From a simple reading it would seem that although both of these components are necessary for parenting, it is the controlling and rigid components that are more prominent, or important, as it is mentioned more in the verses. However, if we examine these verses carefully, we find that affection and warmth are not mentioned as much, not because they are not essential rather because it was considered to be self-understood that it is a prerequisite to any parenting. As we find in verse 3:12 “For Hashem admonishes the ones He loves” that is, love is a given and it must exist before admonishment. Likewise, after He disciplines, He mollifies the child and soothes it with love[16]. Likewise in the verses 13:23 but he who loves him disciplines him constantly and 17:10 The humility caused by the rebuke of an understanding person it is clear that love and understanding are a prerequisite for proper discipline. Finally, in verse 27:5 we see that Open rebuke is better than concealed love, it is therefore implied that apparent love is better than open rebuke.

So why are the controlling and rigid components prominent in the verses? We can surmise that Solomon did not deem it necessary to emphasize the obvious. Similarly, we find that when the Torah addresses our relationship to our parents, it commands us to fear our parents stressing the mother (as it is common that one fears the father) and contrarily when it commands us with respect of parents it emphasizes the father (as it is common that one feels more beholden to the mother). 

Parenting Styles

Now that we have identified two components[17] necessary for parenting we can multiply these components to produce four categories. These can also be divided by the resultant levels of attachment (see table below).

Theorists in the field of child development have named these four categories and identified them as four parenting styles: Authoritative, Authoritarian, Indulgent, and Uninvolved.

Authoritative. Parents using this style are both stringent and receptive. "They monitor and impart clear standards for their children's conduct. While retaining authority and control, these parents are warm and communicative. Authoritative parents seek a balance between the child’s desire for independence and the parents’ desire mold them. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative" (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62). They view the maturing child as a mini-adult and give him or her what he or she wants, provided they are within the parameters of parental guidelines.  (Rosenthal, 2017).

Authoritarian. Parents using this style are highly demanding and directive, but not responsive. "They are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation" (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62). These parents provide well-ordered and structured environments with clearly stated rules. Such parents take a dim view of being challenged. Give-and-take with their children is discouraged. They have a strong sense of justice and of the need for obedience. If their children do not behave as ordered, then they will be punished. Authoritarian parents can be divided into two types: non-authoritarian-directive, who are directive, but not intrusive or autocratic in their use of power, and authoritarian-directive, who are highly intrusive (Darling, 2017).

Indulgent Parents using this style (also referred to as "permissive" or "nondirective") "are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation" (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62). These parents while often warm and accepting, make few demands on their children. They may worry about thwarting the child’s creativity and sense of self. Sometimes the Permissive style is based on confusion. The parents are so out of touch with the pre-adolescent and adolescent world that the best they can do is to try to be a pal to their child. So they tend to give their kids what they ask for and hope that they are loved for their accommodating style. Other Permissive parents want to compensate for what they themselves lacked as children. Perhaps they grew up in poverty and/or had parents who were overly strict. So as a result, seeing themselves as an ally to their child, these parents bend over backward to give the child both the freedom and the material goods they lacked. Indulgent parents may be democratic parents, who, though lenient, are more conscientious, engaged, and committed to the child,  (Rosenthal, 2017), or they may have reason to be anxious about the child’s well-being and as a result become the overprotective parent constantly giving and protecting without allowing the child to learn from its own experiences.  

Uninvolved. Parents using this style are low in both responsiveness and demandingness. In extreme cases, this parenting style might encompass both rejecting-neglecting and neglectful parents, although most parents of this type fall within the normal range. (Baumrind, 1991).

Neglectful parents often fail to monitor or supervise their child’s behavior and do not support or encourage their child’s self-regulation. In general, these parents often show disengagement from the responsibilities of child-rearing and are often seen as being uninvolved regarding the needs of their offspring they do not engage in structure or control with their adolescents and often there is a lack of closeness in the parent‑child dyad.

Because parenting style is a typology, rather than a linear combination of responsiveness and demandingness, each parenting style is more than and different from the sum of its parts. In addition to differing on responsiveness and demandingness, the parenting styles also vary in the extent to which they are characterized by a third dimension: psychological control. Psychological control "refers to control attempts that intrude into the psychological and emotional development of the child" (Barber, 1996, p. 3296) through use of parenting practices such as guilt induction, withdrawal of love, or shaming.

One key difference between authoritarian and authoritative parenting is in the dimension of psychological control. Both authoritarian and authoritative parents place high demands on their children and expect their children to behave appropriately and obey parental rules. Authoritarian parents, however, also expect their children to accept their judgments, values, and goals without questioning. In contrast, authoritative parents are more open to give and take with their children and make greater use of explanations. Thus, although authoritative and authoritarian parents are equally high in behavioral control, authoritative parents tend to be low in psychological control, while authoritarian parents tend to be high (Darling, 2017).

Parenting Style Effects on Children

It is common knowledge that we are affected by our environment and that the resultant characteristics that make up our personalities are a combination of our nature and nurture. This is all the more relevant when it comes to parenting. As the primary imprinters, parents are very much responsible for the resultant personalities of their children.

As one peruses through Proverbs, one finds that King Solomon addresses over 40 different types of people (man of violence, chief, overseer, ruler, unscrupulous man, thief, simpleton, upright, treacherous man, a talebearer, of faithful spirit, etc.). Not all of those are core characteristics necessarily formed by their primary caregivers, rather, most of them are a result of circumstance encountered in the individual’s environment. For the purpose of this discussion, we will analyze those characteristics that are primary to the personality. 

Definitions. In order to begin this discussion, we will start by scrutinizing the etymology of the label used by King Solomon to identify these personalities. It is crucial that we define the key terms so that all who are engaged in the discussion have the same understanding of the subject. In order to achieve this understanding, we will scrutinize the labels as they are juxtaposed in the verses of Proverbs so that we can establish their unique qualities as we compare and contrast them.

חכם.

 As one studies Proverbs, we find that חכם is mentioned 39 times and we see that not only is it mentioned the most but that it is never juxtaposed with Rasha rather it is most often contrasted with the Ksil. So let us start with the Chacham and then to the Ksil continue with the others in order of juxtaposition to Chacham and see where that takes us. 

The Chacham is usually translated as “wise” However, if we take a closer look at the source of the word, as when it is mentioned in a context with other words connoting intelligence, we find that defining “Chacham” as “wise” is a very broad definition. For, when it is mentioned together with Chochma (חכמה), Binah (בינה), and Daas (דעת), Chochma is defined as pure Knowledge, Binah is defined as Understanding, and Daas is defined as Instinct. 

These three levels of knowledge can be elucidated as follows:

·       when an individual is first presented with new information (e.g., is told of the fact that a kettle on a fire is hot) he will first be aware of its existence, that is Knowledge, (חכמה)

·       With sufficient study of that newly acquired knowledge (i.e., comparing it to previous logical emotional and sensory data) (e.g., seeing the kettle and feeling the warmth it projects) the individual will then understand that information (Malbim, Proverbs (1:2). (בינה)

·       Ultimately if the individual continues to study this information and subjecting all his senses to its understanding and practice (e.g., observing the steam, hearing the whistling, touching the hot kettle), it will form schemas and eventually become Instinctual. (דעת)

Another distinction that exists between the three levels is that instinct can be inherited from our parents or instilled in us by our Creator, knowledge can be received from others, but understanding must be toiled for on one's own.

We see further evidence that this the case in the verses in Proverbs:

·       Let the knowledgeable man hear and increase his learning, and the understanding man acquire strategies (Proverbs 1:5) יִשְׁמַ֣ע חָ֭כָם וְי֣וֹסֶף לֶ֑קַח וְ֝נָב֗וֹן תַּחְבֻּל֥וֹת יִקְנֶֽה׃

o   a חכם becomes by merely listening; however, a נבון must compare and contrast to acquire strategies

·       To make your ear attentive to חכמה, incline your heart to תבינה. (Proverbs 2:2)

לְהַקְשִׁ֣יב לַֽחָכְמָ֣ה אָזְנֶ֑ךָ תַּטֶּ֥ה לִ֝בְּךָ֗ לַתְּבוּנָֽה׃

o   Even as you make your ear attentive to weigh the different aspects of your new knowledge, it is still considered חכמה, until you go deeper and use your heart and allow your emotion to weigh in, to attain תבינה

·       Then you will תבין fear of Hashem and discover the דעת of G-d (Proverbs 2:5)

אָ֗ז תָּ֭בִין יִרְאַ֣ת יְהוָ֑ה וְדַ֖עַת אֱלֹהִ֣ים תִּמְצָֽא׃

o   Through much toil and study does one acquire fear but דעת of G-d is simply discovered it does not depend on drudgery rather it is a gift of intuition from G-d  (Kiflayim L’sushiah)

·            Praiseworthy is a man that found חכמה and a person who gives forth תבינה (Proverbs 3:13) אַשְׁרֵ֣י אָ֭דָם מָצָ֣א חָכְמָ֑ה וְ֝אָדָ֗ם יָפִ֥יק תְּבוּנָֽה׃

o   חכמה Is something found while תבינה is produced

·       My son be attentive to my חכמה incline your  ear(אזן ) to my תבינה (Proverbs 5:1)

בְּ֭נִי לְחָכְמָתִ֣י הַקְשִׁ֑יבָה לִ֝תְבוּנָתִ֗י הַט־אָזְנֶֽךָ׃

o    חכמה requires merely attentiveness, תבינה requires inclining the ear which is the center of balance in the body hence the root of the word מאזנים ( a scale)

·       Say to חכמה you are my sister, and call בינה a kinsman (niece or nephew) (Proverbs 7:4)

אֱמֹ֣ר לַֽ֭חָכְמָה אֲחֹ֣תִי אָ֑תְּ וּ֝מֹדָ֗ע לַבִּינָ֥ה תִקְרָֽא׃

o   If you become close to חכמה, you will be close to  בינה that is born from her

·       Surely  חכמה will call out, and תבינה will raise her voice (Proverbs 8:1)

הֲלֹֽא־חָכְמָ֥ה תִקְרָ֑א וּ֝תְבוּנָ֗ה תִּתֵּ֥ן קוֹלָֽהּ׃

o    חכמה can merely call out however  תבינה that comes from the depths must raise her voice

·       A חכם man is with strength, and a man of דעת maintains strength. (Proverbs 24:5)

גֶּֽבֶר־חָכָ֥ם בַּע֑וֹז וְאִֽישׁ־דַּ֝֗עַת מְאַמֶּץ־כֹּֽחַ׃

o   A חכם man is with strength as he continuously seeks it. However, a man of דעת is able to maintain it because it is inherent in him.

When we consider this definition, then the label (חכם) defining an individual who is involved in a particular action, in its essence would be someone who is continuously engaged and acquiring knowledge. For, someone who just stores knowledge without obtaining new data is not engaging in the act of knowing, he only knows. Moreover, as soon as the knowledge is stored and categorized one has surpassed the level of Chochma and gone on to Binah.

The Chacham, therefore, is one who has an insatiably inquisitive mind[18], he is continuously seek new and exciting experiences[i] he has no problem learning new things[ii], the more he learns the more he seeks[iii] he has no fear of the new he is the enthusiastic extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous type. He has no fear of feeling or understanding, he can adjust[19], and he will go wherever the knowledge takes him[iv]. When not in a healthy state he can typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. He can also become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go[v]. When he is healthy he strives with discipline[vi]  loves reproof [vii]stores knowledge[viii] listening to advice[ix] and by doing so he has intelligence to share[x] people seek his counsel[xi] he makes many social connections[xii] he can pacify even a king[xiii] he escapes from harm[xiv] he speaks with understanding and clarity of thought[xv] his words are protect him[xvi] his חכמה brings him honor[xvii] and makes himself[xviii] and his parents happy[xix].

We see an indication of this inquisitive and future directed view in the dictums of our sages in Ethics of Our Fathers which state “who is a (חכם) one who learns from every person” and “who is a (חכם) one who foresees the future." Or as King Solomon states in Ecclesiastes "The Chacham has eyes in his head (i.e., future oriented), but the כסיל goes in the darkness… (Ecclesiastes 2:14).

כסיל

The Ksil is broadly translated as the fool, however, if we follow the etymology of the word we find that the root of the word is connected with כְסִל −the loin− as in “with the fat that is upon them, which is over the flanks הַכְּסָלִים (Leviticus 3:10). Similarly, we find "[20]Can you tie the chains of the Pleiades or loosen the straps of Orion[xx][21] (כְסִיל)?” (Job 38:31).One can assert that this constellation would be so named due to belt binding his כְסִל loin. We also find that כְסִל is related to thought or trust as in “For the Lord shall be your trust (or hope בְכִסְלֶךָ), and He shall keep your foot from being caught” (Proverbs 3:26) or “[22]And they should put their thoughts (כִּסְלָם) in G-d, and not forget the deeds of G-d, and keep His commandments (Psalms 78:7).

By combining these translations, it is not unreasonable to resolve that a כְסִיל would be one whose כְסִל or seat of intuition (i.e., the loin or gut) where one makes the decision whether to trust, is constricted. Furthermore, the Targum in Ecclesiastes “[23]Better a poor and wise child than an old and foolish king… (4:13)”, translates Ksil as טפש which comes from the root טפש which means to make dull or be obdurate. In other words, a Ksil is one whose stunted intuition makes him dull, stubborn, obstinate, inflexible, bullheaded, unpersuadable, immovable, uninterested, and bored.  Finally, the Talmud (Shabbos 31b) extrapolates on the verse in Psalms (49:14) “This is their way; folly is theirs” (זֶ֣ה דַ֖רְכָּם כֶּ֣סֶל לָ֑מוֹ ) that their loins are covered in fat thus inhibiting their intuition to change their rash decisions (see Rashi זֶ֣ה דַ֖רְכָּם)

As a result of his lack of intuition he talks[24] too much without thinking[xxi], this gets him into fights[xxii] and into trouble[xxiii]. He exposes his stupidity[xxiv] this causes others to make fun of him[xxv]  he loses self-esteem. Moreover, he is lazy[xxvi]  unmotivated and irresponsible, so he can't even accomplish anything that will make him feel good. Even if he initially tries he doesn't stay the course[xxvii] , he has no use for intellectual discussions; he doesn't care to inquire; he doesn't have the heart for it[xxviii] .

As he is uninterested in learning he despises someone who tries to teach him[xxix]. People might attempt to use punishment[xxx] , but he is stubborn, so it doesn't help too much to punish him[xxxi] . Moreover, he is bitter rebellious and lashes out[xxxii] (Proverbs 15:20) makes a snarky remark[xxxiii]. So the Ksil usually ends up getting kicked out of school and starts wandering the streets at night[xxxiv] scared and alone not knowing what the next day brings[xxxv].

 On the streets he gets sucked into evil, he follows his desires[xxxvi] likes to party[xxxvii] acts immorally[xxxviii] . He needs money, so he steals from his parents and lies to cover up[xxxix], one parent might give him a chance he will misuse it[xl]. When he sees that he can't excuse his behavior, he acts defiantly towards his parents[xli] he causes them heartache[xlii]  and bitterness. As he has no guidance from intuition so acts without prudence[xliii] he does not learn from mistakes[xliv], so due to his carelessness[xlv], he gets into more trouble.

As he starts to owe money does not pay debts[xlvi]. He begins to scheme to try to make easy money[xlvii] getting his friends involved; they can't rely on him[xlviii] which causes his friends great loss[xlix]. Even if he makes some money, he squanders it[l]. He tries to speak to his friends about his problems and share his feelings[li] , but he has no one as he has alienated everyone with his slander[lii]. He causes so many problems people are tired of dealing with his problems they don’t want to know him[liii]. At this point he feels so low the only emotion he has is anger[liv] he gets into fights if just to rid himself of the pain. If that doesn't work, he turns to drugs/lewdness[lv] anything to numb the ache[lvi]. At this point, even his mother can't handle it as she is frustrated that she can't help her child and feels like she failed as a mother[lvii].

אֱוִיל

 Evil is broadly translated as the fool, however, if we follow the etymology of the word we find that the root of the word is אול which means the beginning or early season (Targum Hosea 9:10[25]) or from the beginning (Targum Job 20:4,[26]). When using this word in describing a human being אול would likely be translated as the beginning of life when one is still a child. Therefore in the context of describing a human behavior אויל would mean an individual behaving like a child. In other words "Evil" is someone who, like a child, has silliness at his core[lviii] one who has the mindset of a child. He expects to be taken care of and be pampered on demand. He will happily take but never give. One who childish behavior is intrinsic not something learned. 

As a result of this mindset, the individual enjoys folly party all night with people years younger than him he is a narcissist or exhibits a childish selfishness. If something is even mildly inconvenient, he will resist doing it[lix].He despises wisdom and discipline [lx]or rules[lxi] he never accepted any from his father. If one does try to reprimand him whether one uses the harsh or soft way he will rebuff him[lxii].  Thinks he is right, doesn’t listen to advice[lxiii] so he just filibusters[lxiv]  just to cope with his low self-esteem. He doesn't even give one a chance to talk, and he interrupts to retort[lxv] it doesn’t pay to discipline him[lxvi]. One can’t rely on what he says; he is financially irresponsible. He spends too much money playing, partying. His never-ending banter [causes] destroy his own house[lxvii].He might throw temper tantrums[lxviii], and He can't control it[lxix] He will die because of his lack of sense[lxx]. He seldom thinks he is to blame when things go wrong in his life. He faults anyone he can[lxxi] even his own mother if he can't find another scapegoat, he will never apologies[lxxii].

לץ

As we study Proverbs, we see that לץ (Leitz), is mentioned 18 times and juxtaposed eight times to the חכם. If we consider the etymology of the word we will find that the word לץ, interpreted as a scoffer, is etymologically connected to ליצן an irreverent talker, jester ליצנות sneering, deriding, ridiculing, irony, מליצא turn of phrase מליץ an interpreter. When we look at what these words have in common, we note that in essence the Leitz is someone who uses his intellect to analyze, interpret, and point out the idiosyncrasies of people, behaviors, things, etc. and then decides to make light of or ridicule. Whereas a satirist might want to improve humanity by exposing and criticize foolishness and corruption of an individual or society by using humor, irony, exaggeration or ridicule, A Leitz is someone who scoffs and ridicules because he doesn’t connect to the thing, idea, on an instinctual level.

Whereas the Chacham loves to acquire knowledge, The Leitz hates Chochma because he can't relate to anything new[lxxiii], i.e., anything that he doesn't already know on an instinctual level (Malbim 1:22). He likes what is familiar; he is afraid of the new, he likes to keep things the way they were. He needs to control his environment. He relies on and balances everything with his intellect, analyzing it making sure he can relate to it, if he can't he will scoff and ridicule it. The Leitz is typically introverted defensive, evasive, and anxious he can be susceptible to alcoholism[lxxiv]. He can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive[lxxv], defiant, rebellious, and full of resentment[lxxvi]. He typically has problems with self-doubt and suspicion. He seeks support from others, not to connect emotionally or to listen, rather to feel secure that some shares his point of view. He thinks he is right so he will not consider reproof[lxxvii], he uses scoffing and gossip as a tool to fulfill his need for connection, as he cannot allow himself to open up to a real relationship as this makes him feel vulnerable.

The לץ is also sometimes referred to as a רשע. We find on the verse in Proverbs, He who chastens a לץ takes disgrace for himself, and he who reproves a רשע, that is his blemish (9:7), the Vilna Gaon explains that the difference between a רשע and a לץ is that a רשע is someone who is wicked with his deeds as opposed to לץ who is wicked with his words. Further, on we actually find, that the verse uses the word רשע when talking about evil done with the mouth, i.e.,  With the blessing of the upright, the ceiling is raised, but with the mouth of the רשע, it is demolished. (11:11) accordingly, we can adopt that the broad term רשע can also be used to describe the לץ.

פֶּתִי

The "Pesi" is mentioned in Proverbs nine times, three of which it is juxtaposed with an Urim. Now if we look into the etymology of the word we find that it is connected to the same root as (פתה) to be open wide as in the word (פתח) an opening, to persuade influence or seduce as in מפתה. So פתי or simpleton is one who easily opened, persuaded, credulous, gullible, inexperienced, simple, (Jastrow, M. 1926). As we see that Proverbs states that “A (פתי) simpleton believes anything”[lxxviii] , He likes naiveté[lxxix] or he lets himself be led on to sin[lxxx].it can get him in trouble, even punished and in his naiveté he doesn’t learn his lesson until it’s too late [lxxxi].

עָרוּם. Conceals his shame[lxxxii] his knowledge[lxxxiii] Acts with forethought[lxxxiv] he uses his cunning to understand his own ways[lxxxv] he understands each step he makes[lxxxvi] he is cautious[lxxxvii].

            רָשָׁע. The Rasha (wicked individual) is mentioned in Proverbs 86 times Forty-six out of which it is juxtaposed to the Tzaddik. The fact that it is not contrasted to the Chacham even one time is telling, and we must conclude that the term Rasha is not used to connote a measure of intelligence as we have demonstrated, is the case with the Chacham, but rather it indicates a measure of scruples, as we shall demonstrate.

As we study the essence of the word, we notice that רָשָׁע it is made up of three characters. The is usually the case for root words as the majority of words in Hebrew can be reduced to a three-consonant root word that contains the essence of the word's meaning. However, even with the three-consonant word, we can sometimes break them down even further to find more meaning. For example, the word ‏כלב, which means Dog, can be further divided into כל-לב, which means the whole- heart. Those that own dogs will testify that this quality is what differentiates the dog from other animals[27].

If we use this method to breakdown the word רָשָׁע we get רש-שע which means "take-turn" or one who takes and turns (i.e., does not share). Similarly, we find that the word רע (which means “bad”) broken down to the phonetics of each letter, renders רש-עין which means take-eye or a taking eye. The common theme with these words, usually defined as wicked and bad, is that of taking. Both can be seen to be intimating that the root of evil is selfishness. We find inferences to this in the verse "I will no longer curse the earth because of man, for the imagination of man's heart is רע from his youth, (Genesis 8:21). It is difficult to take this verse to state that all children are evil. However, all children are selfish when they are born. Ecclesiastes Rabbah relates “It was taught in the name of Rabbi Meir:  When one comes into the world his hands are clenched as if to say: the whole world is mine and I will inherit it.  And when one takes leave of the world his hands are open as if to say:  I have not taken from this world a single thing (5:14).

For a child, selfishness is a matter of survival. For, it cannot survive on its own much less share with others. As the child grows it is expected to realize that there are other beings in this world, all wanting, and if one wants to reap the benefit of living in a society, it is advantageous to develop a level of selflessness. However, the one who is so self-centered that he keeps on behaving selfishly always seeking to indulge in his own desires, and engaging in actions that are selfish רע earns the title רָשָׁע.

Another method of finding the root of a word is the “principle of first mention” which states that if one wants to know the meaning of a word one is to look for the first time it is mentioned in the Torah. The first time the word Rasha is mentioned in the Torah is in Genesis 18:23 when G-d shared with him what He planned to do to the Sodomites “And Abraham approached and said, "Will You even destroy the Tzaddik  with the Rasha?” We see that whatever the Sodomite was doing earned him the label Rasha 

 So what was the sin that earned the Sodomite the label Rasha? We find the answer in Ezekiel 16:49   “Behold this was the iniquity of Sodom your sister: pride, abundance of bread, and careless ease were hers and her daughters', and she did not strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. That is G-d descended[28] (Genesis 18:31) to judge the motive behind the behaviors of the Sodomites and ascertained that despite having both material and psychological wealth the Sodomite’s chose to be selfish and not share with others.

Finally, the Talmud, expounding on the levels of altruism states: “There are four types of people: One who says, "What is mine is yours, and what is yours is mine" is a boor. One who says "What is mine is mine, and what is yours is yours" — this is a median characteristic; others say that this is the character of a Sodomite. One who says, "What is mine is yours, and what is yours is yours" is a Chassid (pious person). And one who says "What is mine is mine, and what is yours is mine" is wicked (Rasha)” (Ethics of the Fathers 5:10). It is clear from this segment that the Talmud associates extreme selfishness with the Rasha.

If we accept this theme, then we are inclined to recognize that on a spiritual level we are created with a directive to go from a state of egocentricity to a state of altruism. Where a human being transcends its base self-centeredness, in which one sees himself as separated from the rest of creation, in a tangible form with physical boundaries,− to a state of pure selflessness, where one in effect fuses with his fellow creations into a genuinely altruistic state. As one continues on this way he reaches such a level that defined boundaries matter less and less until even the physical barriers are just there as a shadow of the spiritual, one can dissolve into his Creator. This is the level of the Tzaddik.

צַדִּיק

The Tzaddik[29] (righteous individual) is mentioned in proverb 67 times 46 of which it is contrasted to the Rasha. Using the aforementioned method we find that the three consonant root of צדיק is צדק, i.e., Righteousness, Justice, Just, which can be broken down to צד-דק which means thin-side, i.e., exact, like a sharp edge. The Tzaddik is the individual, who as mentioned above, is continuously weighing and balancing, finding the exact point in the continuum of an attribute that aligns perfectly with the will of his Creator. Then he negates his own desires and develops himself to the point that all his actions, behaviors, and even thoughts are deliberate and focused on achieving a high level of self-actualization. Hence we find the title Tzaddik given to those who distinguished themselves in subjugating their prime desire or drive to the will of the Almighty![30]

We find this to be the case when the Torah uses the term Tzaddik for the first time it is referring to Noah “These are the generations of Noah, Noah was a righteous man he was perfect in his generations; Noah walked with God.” So we see that the reason for Noah earning the title Tzaddik is because his actions, behaviors, were perfectly aligned with the will of God[31]

This requires a sensitivity and integration with the purpose of creation that surpasses the intellectual and develops into instinct towards Divine Will. For even thoughts on the level of Chochma and Binah are still conscious and therefore in a sense concrete. But when one gets to the level where one integrates the purpose of creation into oneself by combining the use of thought and emotion it loses its boundaries it becomes instinct. Eventually, the Tzaddik achieves such level that his instinct connects with and is guided by Divine Will. We see this played out in Abraham when he needed to force his hand to reach out to pick up the knife to slay his son, as his instinct was in tune Divine Will while his intellect was trying to achieve the commandment given to him.

In summation, we analyzed eight labels. If one looks at the table provided below, it is clear to see that the רָשָׁע and צַדִּיק are in a separate category then the rest. First, the רָשָׁע is never contrasted with the others, but to the צַדִּיק, forty-six times. Second, they are a measure of precedence (Egocentrism vs. Altruism), where the labels identify a direction in a continuum of motive not behavior. Of the six left, four of them have their mode of measurement in common, i.e., their label suggests being based on relating to new knowledge; the Chacham is curious, the Leitz is cynical, the Simpleton believes everything, and the Ksil is completely disinterested. The fifth and sixth are the Evil and the Urim; the former indicates a level of maturity, and the latter a measure of prudence.

Next, we consider the contrasted versus the ones mentioned together[32]; we find that the Ksil is most contrasted to the Chacham, the Evil, the Pesi, and the Leitz are as well. We also notice that the Ksil, the Pesi, and the Evil are contrasted to the Urim. On the other hand, we find that the Ksil is mentioned three times with the Pesi, and the Leitz and with the Evil nine times, indicating commonality. Likewise, The Tsaddik is contrasted once to the Evil, mentioned four times with Chacham, and the Rasha is mentioned once with the Leitz.  So, what are the common denominators that group or divide these labels?                    

Analysis of Data

Now that we have defined the titles of the personalities under examination, we can now enter into an analysis as to the cause of their characteristics. And by doing that shed some light on the defining factors that categories the labels discussed above. To do that, we return to our previously mentioned parenting styles.

Parenting styles have been found to be an essential element with which one would predict child well-being in the domains of social competence, academic performance, psychosocial development, and problem behavior. Furthermore, parenting style provides a robust indicator of parenting functioning that predicts child well-being across a broad spectrum of environments and across diverse communities of children. In general, parental empathy predicts social competence and psychosocial functioning, while parental discipline is associated with instrumental proficiency and behavioral control (i.e., academic performance and deviance).

In reviewing the literature on parenting style, one is struck by the consistency with which authoritative upbringing (which is both high in responsiveness and demandingness ) is associated with both instrumental and social competence and lower levels of problem behavior in both boys and girls at all developmental stages. The benefits of authoritative parenting and the detrimental effects of neglectful parenting (which is both low in responsiveness and demandingness) are evident as early as the preschool years and continue throughout adolescence and into early adulthood. Although specific differences can be found in the competence evidenced by each group, the most significant differences are found between children whose parents are unengaged and their peers with more involved parents. (Weiss & Schwarz, 1996).

Just as authoritative parents appear to be able to balance their conformity demands with their respect for their children's individuality, so too children from authoritative homes seem to be able to equalize the claims of external conformity. Both parental responsiveness and parental demandingness are essential components of good parenting. Authoritative parenting, which balances clear, high parental demands with emotional responsiveness and recognition of child autonomy, is one of the most consistent family predictors of competence from early childhood through adolescence. (see Schwarz et al., 1985; Darling & Steinberg, 1993; Baumrind, 1991; and Barber, 1996).

A recent study of 1,000 teens by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse evaluated a "hands-on" (roughly equivalent to the Authoritarian or Authoritative styles) approach versus a "hands-off" (akin to the Permissive or Neglectful styles) approach to parenting and found that teens living with "hands-on" parents are at only 25% of the risk for drug abuse than those living in "hands-off" households. Similarly, 47% of teens in "hands-on" households reported having an excellent relationship with their fathers and 57% an excellent relationship with their mothers. By contrast, 13% of teens with "hands-off" parents reported an excellent relationship with their fathers and 24%with their mothers (Darling, 2017).

Research based on parent interviews, child reports, and parent observations consistently found that children and adolescents whose parents are authoritative rate themselves and are rated by objective measures as more socially and instrumentally competent than those whose parents are non-authoritative (Baumrind, 1991; Weiss & Schwarz, 1996; Miller et al., 1993). This type of parenting is one of the most consistent predictors of social competence.

Authoritative. Thus, the child of Authoritative parents (high in demandingness, and high in responsiveness) typically does well in school, develop excellent social skills, and avoids problem behaviors. The child develops a healthy curiosity due to the emotionally balanced interactions with parents. With regards to their own wants and about society's restrictions the child develops the ability to restrain or abstain from their perceived needs in a healthy non-stress producing manner. Thus enabling them to in excel in their endeavors despite obstacles.

Authoritarian. Children and adolescents from Authoritarian families (high in demandingness, but low in responsiveness) tend to perform moderately well in school and be uninvolved in problem behavior, but they have weaker social skills, lower self-esteem, and higher levels of depression. They may grow up to be highly anxious people who don't realize their full potential because, figuratively speaking, they're always looking over their shoulder for that overly-demanding parent (Darling, 2017). To resist having more demands made on them, they react against others passive-aggressively. Become evasive, indecisive, cautious, procrastinating, and ambivalent. Are highly reactive, anxious, and cynical, giving contradictory, "mixed signals." Internal confusion makes them react unpredictably. They are likely to develop an unhealthy level of cynicism due to the inability to achieve their parent's demands[33] and the hypocrisy they witness as their parents don't do as they preach. As a result of this cynicism, they will increasingly rely on their own judgment of what is right or wrong without considering the opinion of others.

Indulgent. Children and adolescents from indulgent homes (high in responsiveness, low in demandingness) are more likely to be involved in problem behavior and perform less well in school, but they have higher self-esteem, better social skills, and lower levels of depression (Darling, 2017). As a result of their behavior being unchecked, these children may not develop the thought processes of foresight. These children may come to feel entitled to privileges and material goods, engaging in whatever makes them feel good without considering its consequences. Likewise, as they do not use their analytical abilities, they are willing to try anything new and are susceptible to believing anything that is presented to them without questioning its veracity. If they do question something, it will be due to its interference with their comfort. Therefore, if the parents try to regain control, the older child probably will perceive that effort to be a power struggle. He or she may fight back in dangerous ways, including libidinous rebellion, unsavory associates, or substance abuse (Rosenthal, 2017).

Negligent. Finally, the negligent parenting style (low in demandingness, but low in responsiveness) has been found to have the most negative effect on adolescent outcomes when compared to the other three parenting styles. Children and adolescents whose parents are uninvolved perform most poorly in all domains. Due to the development of a sense of unimportance to the parents, they become emotionally withdrawn from social situations, develop a sense of loneliness, show patterns of truancy in school, and patterns of delinquency during adolescence. Developing a low self-esteem, lack self-control, a high chance of addiction to drugs and alcohol and often demonstrate defiance to authority figures such as parents, teachers and other adults (Walten, 2017).

Additionally, the children feel lost as they are left to deal with life by themselves without the sense of security they need to be provided to them. As a result, they are prone to develop fear, stress and anxiety disorders. Without the fortitude supplied by discipline, or the self-esteem provided by love these children do not have a safe environment in which to resolve all these feelings. Thus their ability to share become stunted and they often engage in externalizing behaviors in order to cope. For example, researchers found an association between an uninvolved parenting style and delinquent acts ranging from vandalism and petty theft to assault and rape. Furthermore, researchers found that by grade 12, adolescents with uninvolved parents drank alcohol almost twice as much and smoked twice as much as their peers that lived in authoritative households. In another study, adolescents who perceived their parents as uninvolved used more drugs compared to adolescents who perceived their parents as authoritative.

In summary the statistical evidence demonstrates that the two elements mentioned in Proverbs have a direct effect on the development of children. Furthermore, these findings correlate to the four primary parenting styles, and the results of those parenting styles predict the outcomes in direct proportion of the elements used.

That is, when a parent utilizes the elements of empathy and discipline on a high level, they are more than likely to raise children with a healthy level of control, autonomy, social competence. These children do not fear engaging others, because the unconditional love that was demonstrated to them by their parents fostered a healthy self-esteem thus allowing themselves to open to others without the fear of judgment looming in the shadows. Additionally they have no fear of doing what is right because the supportive discipline they received imbued in them a sense of self confidence they they will be able to achieve even if it is difficult. This fosters a personality with a healthy level of curiosity, and the ability to learn, in other words, a חכם.

 If the parents only utilize discipline and do not empathize enough with their child, they are more than likely to raise children with an unhealthy level of control (i.e., unforgiving of others or themselves). These children are constantly judging themselves and others through their distorted sense of right and wrong. Due to their low self-esteem (caused by the lack of unconditional love) they usually develop a social awkwardness and rigidity which increases their inability to empathize or consider others, or their ideas. In order to justify their views and to guard their equilibrium, they develop an unhealthy level of cynicism, constantly engaging in ridicule. In other words a לֵץ.

            Likewise, if parents empathize too much and do not discipline their child, they are more than likely to raise children with an unhealthy level of self-control. Without an opportunity to learn self-regulation, or without ever facing consequences, these children lose their ability to properly discern right from wrong, frequently engaging in behavior without forethought or scruples. Furthermore, by satisfying their every whim without the ability to self-regulate increases their need for new experiences trying to fill a bottomless emotional pit. As a result of this feeling of emptiness, they will be willing to try or believe anything as long as it relieves these empty feelings. This describes the resultant personalities of אֱוִיל or פֶּתִי. Where the Evil is the result of overindulgence, the Pesi is the result of overprotectiveness, in addition to pampering. Whereas the Evil had the opportunity to develop some level analytical ability (at least when it came to fulfilling his needs) the Pesi had no such chance as he was constantly protected by his parents.  

            Finally, if parents entirely neglect their child providing no love or guidance, they are responsible for directly causing suffering to their offspring and the world. As their children will more than likely develop into insecure anxiety driven youngsters, as they were never supportively disciplined they never experienced the ability to overcome difficulties. Additionally, due their lack of receiving unconditional love they develop into individuals with stunted emotional growth, who lack the ability to connect to people in a healthy way. Thus resulting in antisocial behavior causing pain to their family and others who are affected by their behaviors. In other words, their total lack responsibility creates a כסיל. 

Discussion

We can now review the stanzas of the Haggadah in a different light and thus gain insight into the lessons it is trying to impart. The Haggadah starts from the beginning basing its teaching on the verses of the Torah. It explains that when the Torah wants to impart on us how to transmit our values and tradition to our children, it asks us to consider what their attitude is towards learning, processing and receiving new information. In doing so, the Torah makes us aware that those attitudes are formed by the way children were nurtured. Accordingly, the Torah identifies the four primary parenting styles possible using the variables taught to us in Proverbs.

Thus the Haggadah relates that of the many variables possible due to these parenting styles the Torah chooses only four representatives, one for each of the four primary attitudes toward learning: one wise, (חכם) one wicked, (רשע) one simple, ([34]תם) and one who does not know to ask (שאינו יודע לשאול). The Haggadah prefers to use these labels on the תם and on the שאינו יודע לשאול because since the Haggadah is also addressing the children at the Seder, it does not want to use labels that sound as judgmental as the labels used in Proverbs. However with the רשע who is, in essence, a cynic, always judging himself as well as others, the Haggadah chooses the more judgmental label As a strategy to reach the Rasha; as the Leitz might not mind being called a scoffer (he might even justify it, e.g., somebody has to keep people in check), he probably will not like to be considered a Rasha as he considers himself faultless. The Haggadah places them in the order of the four possible parenting styles. Starting from the style that provides the most robust connection (and thus the most likely to interact with the parent or teacher) to the one with the weakest connection (and hence the least likely to interact with the parent or teacher). That is the, חכם is always interested to learn the , רשע listens but does not believe anything, the  תם listens and believes everything and the  שאינו יודע לשאול  who is completely not interested in learning  (Answers questions 1-5)

חכם

The Haggadah continues and refrains− let's examine: What is it that the Torah says that indicates it's talking about a Chacham? Accordingly, it points out that first of all, you can be sure he will ask (“If your son asks you tomorrow”) the wise one askes, he is curious.  Not only is he curious, he asks with prudence, he asks without fear of being put down as evidence by his objective stance as is evidenced by the word אתכם which means “to you” but also has a connotation of connection "with them." As Rashi comments on the verse in Genesis 37:18, and they plotted against him (אֹתוֹ) to put him to death, that the word אֹתוֹ means to say אִתּוֹ which means “with him” in other words to say "towards him." Here to the Chacham asks in a way that shows that he is with them but wants to remain objective. Furthermore, he asks about testimonies, the statutes, the ordinances, and he is ready and willing to accept the commandments and the discipline of the Lord our G-d.

The Haggadah then advises: You should respond to him as the Torah commands “We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt… and it will be for our merit that we keep to observe all these commandments before the Lord, our G-d, as He has commanded us." (Deut. 6:21-25)” and also instruct him in all the laws of Passover, up to and including its final law, i.e., After eating the Passover offering, one should not then conclude the meal with dessert (which would wash away the taste of the Passover offering). 

With this last instruction, the Haggadah is telling us to teach the Chacham the benefit of being present. We are teaching the Chacham; while it is beautiful that you are so enthusiastic about gaining new knowledge and engaging in new experiences, however, it is essential to take the time and savor the moment letting everything that you learned sink in. Otherwise, we run the danger of not understanding the depth of what we learned and all its consequences. This can lead to impulsive and irrational decisions, i.e., living for the moment. Additionally, by being constantly on the move, we run the risk of becoming human doings instead of human beings. Where one uses doing as a coping mechanism to avoid facing one’s problems.

However, by being present and mindful, one can truly feel every detail of one’s experience. Thereby empowering one to face one’s problems from a relaxed position and breaking them down in a clear and concise manner. Moreover, by living in the moment, one can truly experience the richness of G-d’s blessings in all its splendor. This is the essence of Shabbos, Olam Habbah, and this is the lesson of the Afikomen. (Answers questions 6-8)

[35](רשע (לֵץ

Next, the Haggadah continues its query, and refrains −let's examine: What is it that the Torah says that indicates it's talking about a Rasha? Accordingly, it points out that the Rasha might come to engage in a conversation (“if”) but he does so to instigate, not because he is curious. As he does not ask, he says “And it will come to pass if your children say to you, what is this service of yours?” The tractate Pesachim (Jerusalem Talmud 70B) paraphrases the Rasha as scoffing "what is this hassle that you hassle us with year after year."

The Haggadah then points out: He says “of yours”—implying that it is not for him. The Haggadah explains by asking, do you know why he is the way he is? Because he was brought up in a way that caused him to alienate himself from others. His parents hardly demonstrated real connection, real love or affection. Therefore, he never learned to be vulnerable; he doesn't relate well to new things, especially things that are forced onto him. He keeps to the things that are familiar that were instilled in him through the strict treatment he received from his parents Furthermore, many times he witnessed hypocrisy when his parents commanded him "do as I say not as I do." 

This led to a decision not to rely on anyone for anything only on himself. So he decided to exclude himself form the community to examine everything only through his intellect not allowing his heart to get involved. Using his heart make him feel queasy, it is a place with which he is not accustomed. He, therefore, denies his heart he shuts down any feelings of empathy and the only way he feels connection, albeit an unhealthy one, is through scoffing, instigation, and provoking.

In essence, he denies "the essential principle of Judaism, (כפר בעיקר)” which is to connect to the essential attributes of G-d. As we find in Deuteronomy "to love your G-d...to cleave to him...(30:20), " i.e., to his attributes, and in Exodus: 

  If you take your neighbor's garment as security, until sunset you shall return it to him, for it is his only covering; it is his garment for his skin. With what shall he lie? And it shall be [that] if he cries out to Me, I will hear because I Am Gracious. (20:25-26)

The commentaries expound, even though the law is on your side, if you don’t return it you are missing the point of all the commandment, which is to connect to my essence and I Am Compassionate and Gracious.

We also observe this in the Talmud (Shabbat 31a), which relates a story about a gentile who wanted to convert to Judaism. This happened, not infrequently, and this individual stated that he would accept Judaism only if a rabbi would teach him the entire Torah while he, the prospective convert, stood on one foot. First, he went to Shammai, who, pushed him away with the builder’s cubit in his hand. The man did not give up and went to Hillel. This gentle sage accepted the challenge and said "What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. That is the whole Torah; the rest is commentary−go and study it!"

Here too, the Rasha shuts down all feelings of empathy of camaraderie which would really bring him to a real attachment to others. He does so because that is all he knows, it keeps him safe, there are no unknown variables.

 The Haggadah then instructs: Do not even think of arguing with him the fine points of the Torah the laws statutes etc. it will not reach his ears he is a scoffer a לץ. He is not interested in learning he will just use it as a tool to scoff. As we find that in Psalm (50:16) “and G-d says to the רשע: "Why bother reciting My decrees and to take My covenant in your mouth?” Now, if רשע here indicated a wicked person wouldn’t we want him to learn so that he better himself[36]? However, as we understand now that the רשע here is one who is wicked with words, then it is clear that reprimanding him would not have the desired effect. As the automatic reaction of the רשע is to scoff and ridicule, he would not allow any criticism to influence him. 

So instead, the Haggadah advises to give him the response the Torah gives to his question, i.e. It is a Passover offering to G‑d, Who passed over the homes of the Children of Israel in Egypt, when He smote Egypt and saved our homes (Exodus 12:27), I offer this to him because of a feeling of gratitude for what he did for me as the Torah says  “It is because of this that G‑d acted for me when I left Egypt (Exodus 13:8). G-d took the first step and entered into a relationship with us because he knew we would be grateful and we would enter into a lasting and loving relationship. Thus imploring the Rasha, "join us in entering into a relationship with G-d, He wants to be in a relationship with you, He already took the first step." 

However, the Haggadah warns us even this will probably fall on deaf ears because the scoffer can't relate to feelings. He has only experienced and learned discipline, He cannot believe that someone will enter into a relationship without any ulterior motives. He cannot fathom that it is possible for a person to give of himself unselfishly just for the benefit of the other. Remember he did not experience any such behavior. In his experience there is always an ulterior motive, i.e., nothing was ever given for nothing.

 So the Haggadah advises us, take the bite out of his scoffing “blunt his teeth” by using logic and pointing out the dangers of his attitude. However, do not answer him directly because doing so will only feed into his unhealthy attachment scheme. He will most likely not even hear what you have to say, as he would be prepared to keep the connection going via another attack[37]. Instead, talk to each other, amongst yourselves, in a way that he can overhear, and say:

 Do you notice how it is written for me, but not for him? This is because with an attitude as he has he would never have been saved. If he had been there, he would not have believed Moses. He would have scoffed, probably would have separated himself from the community, changed his name, his language, and clothing, missed the Exodus, and he would have remained a slave. Whereas we, because we trusted, allowed ourselves to be vulnerable, and to hope, where freed. It is sad that he feels so angry the only reason he does this, is because he feels so alone, so he tries to instigate and scoff so he can get some connection. But in reality he is alienating everyone that matters and if he doesn't change he will probably die alone with no one caring for him. 

Using this method of teaching will force the Rasha to stay with the thought as he can’t get it out of his mind with his usual method of retaliation. For, there is not anyone to retaliate against, no one is talking to him. Hopefully, this will allow him to reflect on his state, and come up with a plan with which he can join his family in a relationship without losing face. (Answers questions 8-13) 

(תם (פֶּתִי

Next, the Haggadah continues its query and refrains− let's examine: What is it that the Torah says that shows it's talking about a Tam? So it points out that the Torah assumes he will ask ("If your son asks you tomorrow”). Additionally, his question is simple, no details, just “what is this” like  “yo dude what is this, fill me in man, let me join this experience anything to make me feel good. I don’t have any real meaning in my life. I am always searching for a new experience to feel real. I was thinking of going to Tibet but, hey, I’m here. I'll give it a try I want to connect to to something why not G-d. I want to feel the love−you feel me, man? "

So, the Haggadah then advises us that we won’t have to run after the simpleton he will come to us, he is not frightened of relationships; therefore, he will express his interest.  However, his interest will not continue for long because love without discipline is unsustainable[38] and when it dissipates it leaves one feeling empty. It is this emptiness that is causing him to search for something real, to begin with. Instead, educate him to the fact that life is serious and that there are consequences to our actions. One can continue to live for the moment, without having a concern as to how their actions affect others. However it is not sustainable, there is a Creator who built this world for a purpose. He attends to it, he is vigilant, and He keeps an account of all happenings. In His Wisdom, He allowed for flexibility and bound it with patience so that his creations should achieve their purpose. However, there comes a time where all accounts are balanced, and all debts are paid, and no one knows when their credit has reached its limit.

You shall say to him, "With a mighty hand did the Lord take us out of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. (Exodus 13:14). Yes, Egypt had a good run, it subjugated the Jewish people for two hundred and ten years, but their atrocities reached its limit, G-d unleashed his wrath upon them and balanced His world. Likewise the simpleton is made to realize that there is a time for action a time when being indecisive or “kicking the bucket down the road” is over and we must make take action. Additionally, As the simpleton, who is not accustomed to pressure (actually avoiding it whenever possible), vicariously experiences all the hardships that Egypt suffered due to their indiscretions he will be motivated to change his ways. As it says in Proverbs When a scorner is punished, a fool gains wisdom,….(19:25) or Beat a scorner, and a simple man will gain cunning….(21:11). (Answers questions 13a and 14)

(שאינו יודע לשאול (כסיל

The Haggadah then continues and instructs: As for The One Who Knows Not to Ask (literally “one who has no intuition[39] to ask”) we know the Torah is talking about him because it doesn't mention a question before the commandment "You shall relate to your child on that day…" Then the Haggadah advises do you know why the Torah doesn't wait for any question from this boy? It is because this boy will never ask. He is uninterested in empty stories. He has been promised to before; he heard every excuse in the book he is numb to everything.  He doesn't care, no emotion, no positive, no negative, his natural curiosity has been stunted, and he is jaded −been there done that. “Don't bother me I'll go to sleep I learned a long time ago to shut down, I could not afford to feel, it would just bring further disappointment." Yes, of course, he would want love, of course, he would want to belong, have some meaning in his life. But after years of exploitation “how many times I am going to get hurt, you know it’s easier to believe I died, so don't have to feel the rush and get let down." 

So the Haggadah continues, do you want to get this kid turned on, do you want to connect to this kid?   !!את פתח לו!! You must open up to him! With love! The Haggadah uses the feminine (את) because this child didn’t even get love, which is the primary responsibility of the mother!

But don’t share empty stories, tell him personal things about you, emphasize the personal as it says “It is because of this that G‑d acted for me when I left Egypt” (Exodus 13:8) Relate to him give him rawness, give him real Judaism, platitudes won't work.  Use your personal experiences open up your life, your memories, your connection, show him who you are. Make him feel that you can understand what he is going through (Proverbs 17:10), moreover that you won’t disappear on him after Passover! (Answers questions 13b, 15, 16)   

Conclusion

As parents we are given an awesome responsibility, we serve as the primary imprinters on our children's souls. To do a "good enough" job, there are so many variables that we must take into account. Some to avoid, some to pursue, some to attract, some to repel, some to encourage, and some to discourage. It is truly an enormous undertaking, yet, one that cannot be passed on to another. It was given to us by our Creator through the nature of creation.

At the same time, we as parents have within us the knowledge that should make us the most capable for the job. In essence, our children are reproductions of our own characters, created with the instructions that are recorded in our DNA. This should give us a unique insight into the weaknesses, strengths, idiosyncrasies, etc. of our children. For, in many ways, our children start where we left off to which many a parent will attest.

Unfortunately, for many reasons, we do not even understand ourselves, much less our children. Working on our own character is truly a lifetime challenge in itself. So, how can we be expected even to attempt to mold our children to achieve their purpose, when we, ourselves, are so lacking?

The truth is, we were given the two elements mentioned in Proverbs. We have the Torah which serves as the instructional manual, given to us by our Manufacturer.  The Zohar occasionally refers to the 613 Mitzvoth - עיטין - 613 pieces of advice, tips, or ideas. The fact is that the Torah takes the guesswork out of knowing what it takes to be a balanced human being; page after page is filled with practical instruction from the minute one falls asleep at night until the moment one lays his head on the pillow at night. From the moment one is born until the moment he is laid to rest, every situation has a protocol. It is filled with practical instruction on physical health (when what and how much to eat, as well as required off time for vacation and contemplation), and entire books on the study of the human psyche with which to balance our emotional health. Additionally, the Torah is filled with gratifying activities, geared to the young and old, which keep things fresh, historical facts, with stories of heroes, which serve as an inspiration and motivation to achieve and stay on a high level of self- actualization. Therefore, the Torah is highly recommended to the conscientious parent; they will find that following and relying on its instruction and adhering to its discipline will help them immensely with first of King Solomon’s elements.

The second element was instilled in us as parents by our Creator. As parents, we were created with an illogical love for our children. The primary role of the mother is to instill in her child the feeling that he or she is loved, unconditionally (not because they achieved or got a good mark) regardless of their actions or inaction. They are loved because they exist − a gift from G-d. A child nurtured with such love will end up with healthy esteem as they don't require anything external to make them feel so. However, a child that is nurtured with the stipulation that they are loved as long as they behave, achieve, etc. will never truly feel loved. They will always feel like they are missing something; an empty hole in their soul, something to fill[40]. For the nature of creation is that there is always something more to accomplish.

The primary role of the father is to teach the child to lose gracefully, in other words, to be able to live with failure or disappointment. The father should bolster the child's sense of security, i.e., that all is well and will be well despite setbacks. The father should instill in his child that all that one must do is to continue and try again and again, and that failure does not equal worthlessness. On the contrary, failure is a sign that one is in the game, as it is part of the game of life. The father is there to teach him or her that challenges are expected, and moreover, as is often in life, the obstacle is the path. If parents are successful in providing the above for their children they will have given them the primary tools with which to approach and live a rewarding life.

As long as parents don’t let the natural love that they have for their children to be corrupted by allowing other passions (ego etc.) to interject, that love will create a bond that is conducive for the nurturing parents want to achieve. Because when we truly love, we empathize, we put the other first, we consider their needs, which causes a reciprocal effect in the relationship. This allows for instruction to be given authoritatively, truly and solely for the benefit of the other, and received without judgment or perceived criticism. Both feel engaged in the process of growth working towards a common goal.

With the strength infused in us by G-d, we will do and succeed!

 Blessed is the omnipresent Oneחכם, blessed be Heרשע!

Blessed is He who gave the Torah to His people Israel, תם blessed be He! שאינו יודע לשאול

ה פר"א (פ"ה מכ"ב) "בן בג בג אומר הפך בה והפך בה דכלא בה ובה תחזי"

[2] According to Jewish tradition, the Haggadah was compiled during the Mishnaic and Talmudic periods, although the exact author and date is unknown.

[3] Although one fulfills this commandment if one relates this story to himself or others if one has no children, the primary commandment of this night is to relate it to our children (Sefer HaChinuch, Mitzvah 21) Father and Mother have an obligation in all matters of this night (Shulchan Aruch O.C. 472:14) To educate sons and daughters on this night because one of the primary sources of our faith is the Exodus (Aruch Hashulchun O.C. 472:15).

[4] We are to relate the story to them according to their level of comprehension. (Shulchan Aruch O.C. 473:6)

[5] We are also to set the table with the very best we can to create a sense of freedom (Aruch Hashulchun O.C. 472:2) Sephardic Jews have a tradition to put the Matzah on their shoulder and walk around the table to simulate the Exodus.

[6] It is the prime reason that G-d chose our father Abraham as it is written (Genesis 18:19)  For I have singled him out, that he may instruct his children and his posterity to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is just and right, in order that the LORD may bring about for Abraham what He has promised him.” כִּ֣י יְדַעְתִּ֗יו לְמַעַן֩ אֲשֶׁ֨ר יְצַוֶּ֜ה

אֶת־בָּנָ֤יו וְאֶת־בֵּיתוֹ֙ אַחֲרָ֔יו וְשָֽׁמְרוּ֙ דֶּ֣רֶךְ יְהוָ֔ה לַעֲשׂ֥וֹת צְדָקָ֖ה וּמִשְׁפָּ֑ט לְמַ֗עַן הָבִ֤יא יְהוָה֙ עַל־אַבְרָהָ֔ם אֵ֥ת אֲשֶׁר־דִּבֶּ֖ר עָלָֽיו׃

[7] דברים פ"ו פ"ז "ושיננתם לבניך" ופל"ב פ"ז"שאל אביך" – we are responsible for teaching our children.

[8] To keep the taste of the Passover offering (or in our days the piece of matzah) in one’s mouth, is a precept in and of itself. (Mishna Berurah 478:1:1 )

[9] In the Jerusalem Talmud (Pesachim 70:b) the emphasis is even stronger “'For the sake of this, did the Lord do [this] for me.' (Exodus 13:8) 'For me' did He do and not for 'that man. 'If 'that man' had been there, he would not have been worthy of ever being saved from there."

[10] Siftei Chakhamim, (Exodus 13:8) offers that this “applies also to the son who does not know what to ask. The message is that Hashem performed the miracles only for the righteous who know the Torah. The ignorant people did not have the merit for these miracles, and were not worthy on their own to be redeemed, only through the merit of the righteous.”

[11] See Rashi on Exodus 13:14 and also Kli Yakar where he emphasizes that the word “tomorrow” in this case suggests immediacy

[12] In Exodus 12:27 the Torah uses “You shall say” but in Exodus 13:8 ( which the Hagaddah uses for the wicked son the Torah uses “you shall relate”

[13] (the first seven chapters start with “My son” and the word “My son or Son of” is mentioned 32 times)

[14]We see in the Talmud that when it comes to teaching, instruction or training that it must be done softly                                               גיטין (דף ו':- ז'.) "אמר רבה בר חנה ... למימרינהי בניחותא בי היכי דליקבלו מיניה" – speak with easiness/calmness  so that they can accept it

[15] וְלֹא הַקַּפְּדָן מְלַמֵּד An strict person cannot teach ( Avot 2:5)

[16] We find that our rabbis followed this verse when they instituted reading seven portions of consolation in the weeks after the Ninth of AV which is preceded by only three reading portions of calamities.

[17]  In the idiom of Human Needs Therapy, Discipline provides Security and Growth and Love provides Significance and Connection

[18] The word חכמה can be broken down into כח מה the power of “what”

[19] תענית (דף כ':) "לעולם יהא אדם רך כקנה ואל יהא קשה כארז".

[20] הַֽ֭תְקַשֵּׁר מַעֲדַנּ֣וֹת כִּימָ֑ה אֽוֹ־מֹשְׁכ֖וֹת כְּסִ֣יל תְּפַתֵּֽחַ׃

[21] וְיָשִׂ֥ימוּ בֵֽאלֹהִ֗ים כִּ֫סְלָ֥ם וְלֹ֣א יִ֭שְׁכְּחוּ מַֽעַלְלֵי־אֵ֑ל וּמִצְוֺתָ֥יו יִנְצֹֽרוּ׃

[22]

[23] ט֛וֹב יֶ֥לֶד מִסְכֵּ֖ן וְחָכָ֑ם מִמֶּ֤לֶךְ זָקֵן֙ וּכְסִ֔יל אֲשֶׁ֛ר לֹא־יָדַ֥ע לְהִזָּהֵ֖ר עֽוֹד׃

[24] בבא מציעא (דף פ"ה:) "דאמרי אינישי אסתירא בלכינא קיש קיש קריא".

[25] כְּגוּפַין דִשְׁתִיל עַל עֵינָא דְמַיָא כֵּן בְּמַדְבְּרָא אֲרַע מֵימְרִי לְיִשְׂרָאֵל כְּבִכּוּרָה בְתֵינָתָא דִי בַאֲוַל מְאַבְּבָא חֲבִיבֵית אֲבָהַתְכוֹן וְאִינוּן אִתְחַבְּרוּ לְבַעַל פְּעוֹר וְטָעוּ לְבַהֲתָא וַהֲווֹ שִׁקוּצִין כִּדְרְחִימוּ:

[26] הֲדָא יְדַעְתָּא מִן אַוְלָא מִן עִדָן דְאִשְׁתְּוֵי בַּר נָשׁ עֲלַוֵי אַרְעָא:

[27] Another example might be אמ-מת− אמת which means womb-death the cycle of change the only natural constant in the universe?

[28]  That is G-d did not judge from on high he lowered Himself and emphasized with his creation in order to judge him properly. 

[29] Although not the exact opposite from the Rasha as expounded in the above mentioned dictum (Ethics of the Fathers 5:10).  i.e. that a Chasid is on the opposite spectrum of the Rasha

[30] We see this with Joseph who from the seven shepherds is the only one given the post-nominal of Tzaddik. This I because he distinguished himself in the Potiphar’s wife incident by subjugating his libidinous desire for the sake of the Almighty.

[31] However he had not attained the level that Abraham did — In the case of Abraham Scripture says, (Genesis 24:40) ‘‘[God] before whom I walked” if one scrutinizes the verses one will notice that in the case of Noah the word for G-d is Elokim which signifies the strict attribute of judgment however in the case of Abraham the Torah uses the Tetragrammaton which signifies the attribute of mercy. Although Noah had aligned with G-d in the nature of His creation, he had not reached the level expected of humans which is to rise above our base nature to one of altruism which aligns with G-ds motive for creation.  One could surmise that this was the lesson that G-d was teaching Noah as he burdened him with the job of taking care of all the life in the ark. Abraham, on the other hand, was synonymous with the attribute of kindness.

[32]

[33] אמר רב יהודה אמר רב כל המטיל אימה יתירה בתוך ביתו סוף הוא בא לידי שלש עבירות גילוי עריות ושפיכות דמים וחילול שבת

Rav Yehuda says that Rav says: Anyone who imposes excessive fear upon the members of his household will ultimately come to commit three sins: Engaging in forbidden relations, as the wife will be so fearful of her husband that she will sometimes tell him that she has immersed in a ritual bath when she has not done so; and he will also end up committing bloodshed, as she is likely to run away from him and expose herself to dangers; and desecration of Shabbat, as she will cook for him on Shabbat because she is scared that he will be angry with her for neglecting to do so beforehand.

[34] On the verse Genesis 25:27 the commentaries expound that relative to Esau who used his guile to deceive people, Jacob was called תם because one who is not intuitive to deceive people is called תם , plain, simple.

[35] As pointed out earlier the Rasha here is the Leitz, one that is wicked with words.

[36] Chagigah 15b:2 Relates the story of the one called Acher who became a cynic. Where he asked a boy to recite his verse He recited to him: “And to the wicked [velerasha] God says, what is it for you to declare My statutes” (Psalms 50:16). The Gemara relates: That child had a stutter, so it sounded as though he were saying to him: Vele’elisha, i.e., and to Elisha, God says. This made Elisha think the child was deliberately insulting him. Some say Aḥer had a knife, and he tore the child apart and sent him to the thirteen synagogues. And others say that Aḥer merely said: Had I a knife, I would have torn him apart. One might suggest that Elisha, always on the offense, that it led to hear what he wanted to hear.

[37] As we see in ( 9:7) To correct a scoffer, or rebuke a wicked man for his blemish, is to call down abuse on oneself. יֹ֤סֵ֨ר ׀ לֵ֗ץ לֹקֵ֣חַֽ ל֣וֹ קָל֑וֹן וּמוֹכִ֖יחַ לְרָשָׁ֣ע מוּמֽוֹ׃

[38] Because love is an emotion, and emotion by its very nature is reactive dependent on extrinsic stimulus. When discipline enters the equation it creates a balance between ones need for consistency and variety- an anchor for the love..

[39] As discussed above D’aas means intuition

[40] I heard this lesson derived through an allegorical interpretation of the verse in Psalms 90:14 - Satisfy us at daybreak with Your steadfast love that we may sing for joy all our days שַׂבְּעֵ֣נוּ בַבֹּ֣קֶר חַסְדֶּ֑ךָ וּֽנְרַנְּנָ֥ה וְ֝נִשְׂמְחָ֗ה בְּכָל־יָמֵֽינוּ

Indicating that if we do not receive it then, we will desperately seek for it the rest of our lives (Mordechai Mandelbaum)

[i] (Proverbs 10:23) ׃ As mischief is sport for the dullard, So is wisdom for the man of understanding

. כִּשְׂח֣וֹק לִ֭כְסִיל עֲשׂ֣וֹת זִמָּ֑ה וְ֝חָכְמָ֗ה לְאִ֣ישׁ תְּבוּנָֽה

[ii] (Proverbs 1:5), The inquisitive man, hearing them, will gain more wisdom; The discerning man will learn to be adroit יִשְׁמַ֣ע חָ֭כָם וְי֣וֹסֶף לֶ֑קַח וְ֝נָב֗וֹן תַּחְבֻּל֥וֹת יִקְנֶֽה׃

[iii] (Proverbs 9:9) Instruct a inquisitive man, and he will inquire more Teach a righteous man, and he will gain in learning. תֵּ֣ן לְ֭חָכָם וְיֶחְכַּם־ע֑וֹד הוֹדַ֥ע לְ֝צַדִּ֗יק וְי֣וֹסֶף לֶֽקַח׃

[iv] (Proverbs 21:22). ׃ One inquisitive man prevailed over a city of warriors And brought down its mighty stronghold עִ֣יר גִּ֭בֹּרִים עָלָ֣ה חָכָ֑ם וַ֝יֹּ֗רֶד עֹ֣ז מִבְטֶחָֽה

[v] (Ecclesiastes 7:16) So don’t overdo goodness and don’t act the inquisitive man to excess, or you may be dumfounded. אַל־תְּהִ֤י צַדִּיק֙ הַרְבֵּ֔ה וְאַל־תִּתְחַכַּ֖ם יוֹתֵ֑ר לָ֖מָּה תִּשּׁוֹמֵֽם

[vi] (Proverbs 13:1) A inquisitive son—it is through the discipline of his father; A scoffer—he never heard reproof. בֵּ֣ן חָ֭כָם מ֣וּסַר אָ֑ב וְ֝לֵ֗ץ לֹא־שָׁמַ֥ע גְּעָרָֽה׃

[vii] (Proverbs 9:8) Do not rebuke a scoffer, for he will hate you; Reprove a inquisitive man, and he will love you. אַל־תּ֣וֹכַח לֵ֭ץ פֶּן־יִשְׂנָאֶ֑ךָּ הוֹכַ֥ח לְ֝חָכָ֗ם וְיֶאֱהָבֶֽךָּ׃

[viii] (Proverbs 10:14) The inquisitive store up knowledge; The mouth of the fool is an imminent ruin.

חֲכָמִ֥ים יִצְפְּנוּ־דָ֑עַת וּפִֽי־אֱ֝וִיל מְחִתָּ֥ה קְרֹבָֽה׃

[ix] (Proverbs 12:15) The way of a fool is right in his own eyes; But the inquisitive man accepts advice.

דֶּ֣רֶךְ אֱ֭וִיל יָשָׁ֣ר בְּעֵינָ֑יו וְשֹׁמֵ֖עַ לְעֵצָ֣ה חָכָֽם׃

[x] (Proverbs 16:23) The mind of the inquisitive man makes his speech effective And increases the wisdom on his lips. לֵ֣ב חָ֭כָם יַשְׂכִּ֣יל פִּ֑יהוּ וְעַל־שְׂ֝פָתָ֗יו יֹסִ֥יף לֶֽקַח׃

[xi] (Proverbs 13:14) The instruction of a inquisitive man is a fountain of life, Enabling one to avoid deadly snares. תּוֹרַ֣ת חָ֭כָם מְק֣וֹר חַיִּ֑ים לָ֝ס֗וּר מִמֹּ֥קְשֵׁי מָֽוֶת׃

   (Proverbs 13: 20)He who keeps company with the inquisitive becomes inquisitive, But he who consorts with dullards comes to grief. הלוך [הוֹלֵ֣ךְ] אֶת־חֲכָמִ֣ים וחכם [יֶחְכָּ֑ם] וְרֹעֶ֖ה כְסִילִ֣ים יֵרֽוֹעַ׃

[xii] (Proverbs 11:30) The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; A inquisitive man captivates people.

פְּֽרִי־צַ֭דִּיק עֵ֣ץ חַיִּ֑ים וְלֹקֵ֖חַ נְפָשׂ֣וֹת חָכָֽם׃

[xiii] (Proverbs 16:14) How much better to acquire wisdom than gold; To acquire understanding is preferable to silver. קְֽנֹה־חָכְמָ֗ה מַה־טּ֥וֹב מֵחָר֑וּץ וּקְנ֥וֹת בִּ֝ינָ֗ה נִבְחָ֥ר מִכָּֽסֶף׃

[xiv] (Proverbs 28:26) He who trusts his own instinct is a dullard, But he who lives by wisdom shall escape.

בּוֹטֵ֣חַ בְּ֭לִבּוֹ ה֣וּא כְסִ֑יל וְהוֹלֵ֥ךְ בְּ֝חָכְמָ֗ה ה֣וּא יִמָּלֵֽט׃

[xv] (Proverbs 15:2) The tongue of the inquisitive produces much knowledge, But the mouth of dullards pours out folly. לְשׁ֣וֹן חֲ֭כָמִים תֵּיטִ֣יב דָּ֑עַת וּפִ֥י כְ֝סִילִ֗ים יַבִּ֥יעַ אִוֶּֽלֶת׃

[xvi] (Proverbs 14:3) In the mouth of a fool is a rod of haughtiness, But the lips of the inquisitive protect them. בְּֽפִי־אֱ֭וִיל חֹ֣טֶר גַּאֲוָ֑ה וְשִׂפְתֵ֥י חֲ֝כָמִ֗ים תִּשְׁמוּרֵֽם׃

[xvii] (Proverbs 3:35) The inquisitive shall obtain honor, But dullards get disgrace as their portion.

כָּ֭בוֹד חֲכָמִ֣ים יִנְחָ֑לוּ וּ֝כְסִילִ֗ים מֵרִ֥ים קָלֽוֹן׃

[xviii] (Proverbs 3:15) She is more precious than rubies; All of your goods cannot equal her.

יְקָ֣רָה הִ֭יא מפניים [מִפְּנִינִ֑ים] וְכָל־חֲ֝פָצֶ֗יךָ לֹ֣א יִֽשְׁווּ־בָֽהּ׃

[xix] (Proverbs 10:1) The proverbs of Solomon: A inquisitive son brings joy to his father; A dull son is his mother’s sorrow. מִשְׁלֵ֗י שְׁלֹ֫מֹ֥ה (פ) בֵּ֣ן חָ֭כָם יְשַׂמַּח־אָ֑ב וּבֵ֥ן כְּ֝סִ֗יל תּוּגַ֥ת אִמּֽוֹ

 (Proverbs 23:15) My son, if your mind gets wisdom, My mind, too, will be gladdened.

בְּ֭נִי אִם־חָכַ֣ם לִבֶּ֑ךָ יִשְׂמַ֖ח לִבִּ֣י גַם־אָֽנִי׃

(Proverbs 27:11) Get wisdom, my son, and gladden my heart, That I may have what to answer those who taunt me. חֲכַ֣ם בְּ֭נִי וְשַׂמַּ֣ח לִבִּ֑י וְאָשִׁ֖יבָה חֹרְפִ֣י דָבָֽר׃

[xxi] (Proverbs 14:33) Wisdom rests quietly in the mind of a prudent man, But among dullards it makes itself known. בְּלֵ֣ב נָ֭בוֹן תָּנ֣וּחַ חָכְמָ֑ה וּבְקֶ֥רֶב כְּ֝סִילִ֗ים תִּוָּדֵֽעַ׃

[xxii] (Proverbs18:6) The words of a fool lead to strife; His speech invites blows.

שִׂפְתֵ֣י כְ֭סִיל יָבֹ֣אֽוּ בְרִ֑יב וּ֝פִ֗יו לְֽמַהֲלֻמ֥וֹת יִקְרָֽא׃

[xxiii] (Ecclesiastes10:12) A inquisitive man’s talk brings him favor, but a fool’s lips are his undoing.

דִּבְרֵ֥י פִי־חָכָ֖ם חֵ֑ן וְשִׂפְת֥וֹת כְּסִ֖יל תְּבַלְּעֶֽנּוּ׃

( Proverbs19:29) Punishments are in store for scoffers And blows for the backs of dullards..

נָכ֣וֹנוּ לַלֵּצִ֣ים שְׁפָטִ֑ים וּ֝מַהֲלֻמ֗וֹת לְגֵ֣ו כְּסִילִֽים׃

[xxiv] (Proverbs 13:16) Every clever man acts knowledgeably, But a dullard exposes his stupidity.

כָּל־עָ֭רוּם יַעֲשֶׂ֣ה בְדָ֑עַת וּ֝כְסִ֗יל יִפְרֹ֥שׂ אִוֶּֽלֶת

[xxv] (Proverbs 3:35) The inquisitive shall obtain honor, But dullards get disgrace as their portion.

כָּ֭בוֹד חֲכָמִ֣ים יִנְחָ֑לוּ וּ֝כְסִילִ֗ים מֵרִ֥ים קָלֽוֹן׃

[xxvi] (Proverbs 1:32) The tranquillity of the simple will kill them, And the complacency of dullards will destroy them. כִּ֤י מְשׁוּבַ֣ת פְּתָיִ֣ם תַּֽהַרְגֵ֑ם וְשַׁלְוַ֖ת כְּסִילִ֣ים תְּאַבְּדֵֽם׃

[xxvii]  (Ecclesiastes10:15) A fool’s exertions tire him out, for he doesn’t know how to get to a town.

עֲמַ֥ל הַכְּסִילִ֖ים תְּיַגְּעֶ֑נּוּ אֲשֶׁ֥ר לֹֽא־יָדַ֖ע לָלֶ֥כֶת אֶל־עִֽיר׃

[xxviii] (Proverbs 17:16) What good is money in the hand of a fool To purchase wisdom, when he has no mind? לָמָּה־זֶּ֣ה מְחִ֣יר בְּיַד־כְּסִ֑יל לִקְנ֖וֹת חָכְמָ֣ה וְלֶב־אָֽיִן׃

[xxix] (Proverbs 23:9) Do not speak to a dullard, For he will disdain your sensible words.

בְּאָזְנֵ֣י כְ֭סִיל אַל־תְּדַבֵּ֑ר כִּֽי־יָ֝ב֗וּז לְשֵׂ֣כֶל מִלֶּֽיךָ׃

[xxx] (Proverbs 26:3) A whip for a horse and a bridle for a donkey, And a rod for the back of dullards

שׁ֣וֹט לַ֭סּוּס מֶ֣תֶג לַחֲמ֑וֹר וְ֝שֵׁ֗בֶט לְגֵ֣ו כְּסִילִֽים

[xxxi] (Proverbs 17:10) A rebuke works on an intelligent man More than one hundred blows on a fool.

תֵּ֣חַת גְּעָרָ֣ה בְמֵבִ֑ין מֵהַכּ֖וֹת כְּסִ֣יל מֵאָֽה׃

[xxxii] (Proverbs18:6) The words of a fool lead to strife; His speech invites blows.

שִׂפְתֵ֣י כְ֭סִיל יָבֹ֣אֽוּ בְרִ֑יב וּ֝פִ֗יו לְֽמַהֲלֻמ֥וֹת יִקְרָֽא׃

[xxxiii] (Proverbs 26:9) As a thorn comes to the hand of a drunkard, So a proverb to the mouth of a dullard.

ח֭וֹחַ עָלָ֣ה בְיַד־שִׁכּ֑וֹר וּ֝מָשָׁ֗ל בְּפִ֣י כְסִילִֽים׃

[xxxiv] (Ecclesiastes 2:14) A inquisitive man has his eyes in his head, Whereas a fool walks in darkness. But I also realized that the same fate awaits them both.

הֶֽחָכָם֙ עֵינָ֣יו בְּרֹאשׁ֔וֹ וְהַכְּסִ֖יל בַּחֹ֣שֶׁךְ הוֹלֵ֑ךְ וְיָדַ֣עְתִּי גַם־אָ֔נִי שֶׁמִּקְרֶ֥ה אֶחָ֖ד יִקְרֶ֥ה אֶת־כֻּלָּֽם׃

[xxxv] (Proverbs 10:13) Wisdom is to be found on the lips of the intelligent, But a rod is ready for the back of the senseless. בְּשִׂפְתֵ֣י נָ֭בוֹן תִּמָּצֵ֣א חָכְמָ֑ה וְ֝שֵׁ֗בֶט לְגֵ֣ו חֲסַר־לֵֽב׃

(Proverbs 10:15). The inquisitive store up knowledge; The mouth of the fool is an imminent ruin.

חֲכָמִ֥ים יִצְפְּנוּ־דָ֑עַת וּפִֽי־אֱ֝וִיל מְחִתָּ֥ה קְרֹבָֽה׃

[xxxvi] (Proverbs 10:23) As lewdness is sport for the dullard, So is wisdom for the man of understanding.

כִּשְׂח֣וֹק לִ֭כְסִיל עֲשׂ֣וֹת זִמָּ֑ה וְ֝חָכְמָ֗ה לְאִ֣ישׁ תְּבוּנָֽה׃

[xxxvii] (Ecclesiastes 7:4) Inquisitive men are drawn to a house of mourning, and fools to a house of merrymaking. לֵ֤ב חֲכָמִים֙ בְּבֵ֣ית אֵ֔בֶל וְלֵ֥ב כְּסִילִ֖ים בְּבֵ֥ית שִׂמְחָֽה׃

[xxxviii] (Proverbs 13:19) Desire realized is sweet to the soul; To turn away from evil is abhorrent to the stupid. תַּאֲוָ֣ה נִ֭הְיָה תֶּעֱרַ֣ב לְנָ֑פֶשׁ וְתוֹעֲבַ֥ת כְּ֝סִילִ֗ים ס֣וּר מֵרָֽע׃

[xxxix] (Proverbs 14:8), It is the wisdom of a clever man to understand his course; But the stupidity of the dullard is deceit. חָכְמַ֣ת עָ֭רוּם הָבִ֣ין דַּרְכּ֑וֹ וְאִוֶּ֖לֶת כְּסִילִ֣ים מִרְמָֽה׃

[xl] (Proverbs 26:11). As a dog returns to his vomit, So a dullard repeats his folly.

כְּ֭כֶלֶב שָׁ֣ב עַל־קֵא֑וֹ כְּ֝סִ֗יל שׁוֹנֶ֥ה בְאִוַּלְתּֽוֹ׃

[xli] (Proverbs 17:25) A stupid son is vexation for his father And a heartache for the woman who bore him.

כַּ֣עַס לְ֭אָבִיו בֵּ֣ן כְּסִ֑יל וּ֝מֶ֗מֶר לְיוֹלַדְתּֽוֹ׃

[xlii] (Proverbs 17:21) One begets a dullard to one’s own grief; The father of a villain has no joy.

יֹלֵ֣ד כְּ֭סִיל לְת֣וּגָה ל֑וֹ וְלֹֽא־יִ֝שְׂמַ֗ח אֲבִ֣י נָבָֽל׃

[xliii] (Proverbs 28:26) He who trusts his own instinct is a dullard, But he who lives by wisdom shall escape.

בּוֹטֵ֣חַ בְּ֭לִבּוֹ ה֣וּא כְסִ֑יל וְהוֹלֵ֥ךְ בְּ֝חָכְמָ֗ה ה֣וּא יִמָּלֵֽט׃

[xliv] (Proverbs 26:11). As a dog returns to his vomit, So a dullard repeats his folly.

כְּ֭כֶלֶב שָׁ֣ב עַל־קֵא֑וֹ כְּ֝סִ֗יל שׁוֹנֶ֥ה בְאִוַּלְתּֽוֹ׃

[xlv] (Proverbs 14:24) The ornament of the inquisitive is their wealth; The stupidity of dullards is stupidity.

עֲטֶ֣רֶת חֲכָמִ֣ים עָשְׁרָ֑ם אִוֶּ֖לֶת כְּסִילִ֣ים אִוֶּֽלֶת׃

[xlvi] (Ecclesiastes 5:3) When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. For He has no pleasure in fools; what you vow, fulfill. כַּאֲשֶׁר֩ תִּדֹּ֨ר נֶ֜דֶר לֵֽאלֹהִ֗ים אַל־תְּאַחֵר֙ לְשַׁלְּמ֔וֹ כִּ֛י אֵ֥ין חֵ֖פֶץ בַּכְּסִילִ֑ים אֵ֥ת אֲשֶׁר־תִּדֹּ֖ר שַׁלֵּֽם

[xlvii] (Proverbs 17:24) Wisdom lies before the intelligent man; The eyes of the dullard range to the ends of the earth. אֶת־פְּנֵ֣י מֵבִ֣ין חָכְמָ֑ה וְעֵינֵ֥י כְ֝סִ֗יל בִּקְצֵה־אָֽרֶץ

[xlviii] (Proverbs 26:6) He who sends a message by a dullard Will wear out legs and must put up with lawlessness. מְקַצֶּ֣ה רַ֭גְלַיִם חָמָ֣ס שֹׁתֶ֑ה שֹׁלֵ֖חַ דְּבָרִ֣ים בְּיַד־כְּסִֽיל׃

[xlix] (Proverbs 13:20) He who keeps company with the inquisitive becomes inquisitive, But he who consorts with dullards comes to grief. הלוך [הוֹלֵ֣ךְ] אֶת־חֲכָמִ֣ים וחכם [יֶחְכָּ֑ם] וְרֹעֶ֖ה כְסִילִ֣ים יֵרֽוֹעַ׃

[l] (Proverbs 21:20). Precious treasure and oil are in the house of the inquisitive man, And a fool of a man will run through them. אוֹצָ֤ר ׀ נֶחְמָ֣ד וָ֭שֶׁמֶן בִּנְוֵ֣ה חָכָ֑ם וּכְסִ֖יל אָדָ֣ם יְבַלְּעֶֽנּו

[li] (Proverbs 18:2), The fool does not desire understanding, But only to air his thoughts.

לֹֽא־יַחְפֹּ֣ץ כְּ֭סִיל בִּתְבוּנָ֑ה כִּ֝֗י אִֽם־בְּהִתְגַּלּ֥וֹת לִבּֽוֹ׃

[lii] (Proverbs 10:18). He who conceals hatred has lying lips, While he who speaks forth slander is a dullard.

מְכַסֶּ֣ה שִׂ֭נְאָה שִׂפְתֵי־שָׁ֑קֶר וּמוֹצִ֥א דִ֝בָּ֗ה ה֣וּא כְסִֽיל׃

[liii] (Proverbs 17:12) Sooner meet a bereaved she-bear Than a fool with his nonsense.

פָּג֬וֹשׁ דֹּ֣ב שַׁכּ֣וּל בְּאִ֑ישׁ וְאַל־כְּ֝סִ֗יל בְּאִוַּלְתּֽוֹ׃

[liv] (Ecclesiastes 7:9) Don’t let your spirit be quickly vexed, for vexation abides in the breasts of fools.

אַל־תְּבַהֵ֥ל בְּרֽוּחֲךָ֖ לִכְע֑וֹס כִּ֣י כַ֔עַס בְּחֵ֥יק כְּסִילִ֖ים יָנֽוּחַ׃

[lv] (Proverbs 10:23) As mischief is sport for the dullard, So is wisdom for the man of understanding.

כִּשְׂח֣וֹק לִ֭כְסִיל עֲשׂ֣וֹת זִמָּ֑ה וְ֝חָכְמָ֗ה לְאִ֣ישׁ תְּבוּנָֽה

(Proverbs 9:13) The stupid woman bustles about; She is simple and knows nothing.

אֵ֣שֶׁת כְּ֭סִילוּת הֹֽמִיָּ֑ה פְּ֝תַיּ֗וּת וּבַל־יָ֥דְעָה מָּֽה׃

(Proverbs 9:18) He does not know that the shades are there, That her guests are in the depths of Sheol.

וְֽלֹא־יָ֭דַע כִּֽי־רְפָאִ֣ים שָׁ֑ם בְּעִמְקֵ֖י שְׁא֣וֹל קְרֻאֶֽיהָ)

[lvi] (Ecclesiastes 4:5). [True,] The fool folds his hands together And has to eat his own flesh.

הַכְּסִיל֙ חֹבֵ֣ק אֶת־יָדָ֔יו וְאֹכֵ֖ל אֶת־בְּשָׂרֽוֹ

[lvii] (Proverbs 10:1) The proverbs of Solomon: A inquisitive son brings joy to his father; A dull son is his mother’s sorrow. מִשְׁלֵ֗י שְׁלֹ֫מֹ֥ה (פ) בֵּ֣ן חָ֭כָם יְשַׂמַּח־אָ֑ב וּבֵ֥ן כְּ֝סִ֗יל תּוּגַ֥ת אִמּֽוֹ׃

[lviii] (Proverbs 22:15) If folly settles in the heart of a lad, The rod of discipline will remove it.

אִ֭וֶּלֶת קְשׁוּרָ֣ה בְלֶב־נָ֑עַר שֵׁ֥בֶט מ֝וּסָ֗ר יַרְחִיקֶ֥נָּה מִמֶּֽנּוּ

[lix](Proverbs 27:22)Even if you pound the fool in a mortar With a pestle along with grain, His folly will not leave him. (אִם תִּכְתּוֹשׁ־אֶת־הָאֱוִיל בַּמַּכְתֵּשׁ בְּתוֹךְ הָרִיפוֹת בַּעֱלִי לֹא־תָסוּר מֵעָלָיו אִוַּלְתּוֹ׃

[lx] (Proverbs 1:7) The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and discipline. יִרְאַ֣ת יְ֭הוָה רֵאשִׁ֣ית דָּ֑עַת חָכְמָ֥ה וּ֝מוּסָ֗ר אֱוִילִ֥ים בָּֽזוּ׃

[lxi]  (Proverbs 10:8)  He whose heart is inquisitive accepts commands, But he whose speech is foolish comes to grief. חֲכַם־לֵ֭ב יִקַּ֣ח מִצְוֺ֑ת וֶאֱוִ֥יל שְׂ֝פָתַ֗יִם יִלָּבֵֽט׃

[lxii] (Proverbs 29:9).  When a inquisitive man enters into litigation with a fool There is ranting and ridicule, but no satisfaction. אִֽישׁ־חָכָ֗ם נִ֭שְׁפָּט אֶת־אִ֣ישׁ אֱוִ֑יל וְרָגַ֥ז וְ֝שָׂחַ֗ק וְאֵ֣ין נָֽחַת׃

[lxiii] (Proverbs 12:15) The way of a fool is right in his own eyes; But the inquisitive man accepts advice.

דֶּ֣רֶךְ אֱ֭וִיל יָשָׁ֣ר בְּעֵינָ֑יו וְשֹׁמֵ֖עַ לְעֵצָ֣ה חָכָֽם׃

[lxiv] (Proverbs 10:8) He whose heart is inquisitive accepts commands, But he whose speech is foolish comes to torture. חֲכַם־לֵ֭ב יִקַּ֣ח מִצְוֺ֑ת וֶאֱוִ֥יל שְׂ֝פָתַ֗יִם יִלָּבֵֽט׃

[lxv] (Proverbs 18:13) To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride, arrogance, the evil way, And duplicity in speech. יִֽרְאַ֣ת יְהוָה֮ שְֽׂנֹ֫את רָ֥ע גֵּ֘אָ֤ה וְגָא֨וֹן ׀ וְדֶ֣רֶךְ רָ֭ע וּפִ֨י תַהְפֻּכ֬וֹת שָׂנֵֽאתִי׃

[lxvi] (Proverbs 16:22) Good sense is a fountain of life to those who have it, And folly is the punishment of fools. מְק֣וֹר חַ֭יִּים שֵׂ֣כֶל בְּעָלָ֑יו וּמוּסַ֖ר אֱוִלִ֣ים אִוֶּֽלֶת׃

[lxvii] (Proverbs 10:14). The inquisitive store up knowledge; The mouth of the fool is an imminent ruin.

חֲכָמִ֥ים יִצְפְּנוּ־דָ֑עַת וּפִֽי־אֱ֝וִיל מְחִתָּ֥ה קְרֹבָֽה׃

[lxviii] (Proverbs 27:3), A stone has weight, sand is heavy, But a fool’s vexation outweighs them both.

כֹּֽבֶד־אֶ֭בֶן וְנֵ֣טֶל הַח֑וֹל וְכַ֥עַס אֱ֝וִ֗יל כָּבֵ֥ד מִשְּׁנֵיהֶֽם׃

[lxix] (Proverbs 12:16) A fool’s vexation is known at once, But a clever man conceals his humiliation.

אֱוִ֗יל בַּ֭יּוֹם יִוָּדַ֣ע כַּעְס֑וֹ וְכֹסֶ֖ה קָל֣וֹן עָרֽוּם׃

[lxx] (Proverbs 10:21) The lips of the righteous sustain many, But fools die for lack of sense.

שִׂפְתֵ֣י צַ֭דִּיק יִרְע֣וּ רַבִּ֑ים וֶֽ֝אֱוִילִ֗ים בַּחֲסַר־לֵ֥ב יָמֽוּתוּ׃

[lxxi] (Proverbs 29:9).  When a inquisitive man enters into litigation with a fool There is ranting and ridicule, but no satisfaction. אִֽישׁ־חָכָ֗ם נִ֭שְׁפָּט אֶת־אִ֣ישׁ אֱוִ֑יל וְרָגַ֥ז וְ֝שָׂחַ֗ק וְאֵ֣ין נָֽחַת׃

[lxxii] (Proverbs 14:9) Reparations mediate between fools, Between the upright, good will.

אֱ֭וִלִים יָלִ֣יץ אָשָׁ֑ם וּבֵ֖ין יְשָׁרִ֣ים רָצֽוֹן

[lxxiii] (Proverbs 14:6), A scoffer seeks wisdom in vain, But knowledge comes easily to the intelligent man.

בִּקֶּשׁ־לֵ֣ץ חָכְמָ֣ה וָאָ֑יִן וְדַ֖עַת לְנָב֣וֹן נָקָֽל׃

[lxxiv] (Proverbs 20:1) Wine is a scoffer, strong drink a roisterer; He who is muddled by them will not grow inquisitive.

לֵ֣ץ הַ֭יַּין הֹמֶ֣ה שֵׁכָ֑ר וְכָל־שֹׁ֥גֶה בּ֝֗וֹ לֹ֣א יֶחְכָּֽם׃

[lxxv] (Proverbs 9:7) To correct a scoffer, Or rebuke a wicked man for his blemish, Is to call down abuse on oneself. יֹ֤סֵ֨ר ׀ לֵ֗ץ לֹקֵ֣חַֽ ל֣וֹ קָל֑וֹן וּמוֹכִ֖יחַ לְרָשָׁ֣ע מוּמֽוֹ׃

[lxxvi] (Proverbs 9:8) Do not rebuke a scoffer, for he will hate you; Reprove a inquisitive man, and he will love you. אַל־תּ֣וֹכַח לֵ֭ץ פֶּן־יִשְׂנָאֶ֑ךָּ הוֹכַ֥ח לְ֝חָכָ֗ם וְיֶאֱהָבֶֽךָּ׃

[lxxvii] (Proverbs 9:7) To correct a scoffer, Or rebuke a wicked man for his blemish, Is to call down abuse on oneself. יֹ֤סֵ֨ר ׀ לֵ֗ץ לֹקֵ֣חַֽ ל֣וֹ קָל֑וֹן וּמוֹכִ֖יחַ לְרָשָׁ֣ע מוּמֽוֹ׃

 (Proverbs15:12) The scoffer dislikes being reproved; He will not resort to the inquisitive.

לֹ֣א יֶאֱהַב־לֵ֭ץ הוֹכֵ֣חַֽ ל֑וֹ אֶל־חֲ֝כָמִ֗ים לֹ֣א יֵלֵֽךְ׃

[lxxviii] (Proverbs 14:15), A simple person believes anything; A clever man ponders his course.

פֶּ֭תִי יַאֲמִ֣ין לְכָל־דָּבָ֑ר וְ֝עָר֗וּם יָבִ֥ין לַאֲשֻׁרֽוֹ׃

[lxxix] (Proverbs 1:22) How long will you simple ones love simplicity, You scoffers be eager to scoff, You dullards hate knowledge? עַד־מָתַ֣י ׀ פְּתָיִם֮ תְּֽאֵהֲב֫וּ פֶ֥תִי וְלֵצִ֗ים לָ֭צוֹן חָמְד֣וּ לָהֶ֑ם וּ֝כְסִילִ֗ים יִשְׂנְאוּ־דָֽעַת׃

[lxxx] (Proverbs 9:4) “Let the simple enter here”; To those devoid of sense she says,

מִי־פֶ֭תִי יָסֻ֣ר הֵ֑נָּה חֲסַר־לֵ֝֗ב אָ֣מְרָה לּֽוֹ׃

[lxxxi] (Proverbs 1:32), The tranquillity of the simple will kill them, And the complacency of dullards will destroy them. כִּ֤י מְשׁוּבַ֣ת פְּתָיִ֣ם תַּֽהַרְגֵ֑ם וְשַׁלְוַ֖ת כְּסִילִ֣ים תְּאַבְּדֵֽם׃

[lxxxii] (Proverbs12:16) A fool’s vexation is known at once, But a clever man conceals his humiliation.

אֱוִ֗יל בַּ֭יּוֹם יִוָּדַ֣ע כַּעְס֑וֹ וְכֹסֶ֖ה קָל֣וֹן עָרֽוּם

[lxxxiii] (Proverbs 12:23) A clever man conceals what he knows, But the mind of a dullard cries out folly

אָדָ֣ם עָ֭רוּם כֹּ֣סֶה דָּ֑עַת וְלֵ֥ב כְּ֝סִילִ֗ים יִקְרָ֥א אִוֶּֽלֶת׃

[lxxxiv] ((Proverbs 13:16) Every clever man acts knowledgeably, But a dullard exposes his stupidity.

כָּל־עָ֭רוּם יַעֲשֶׂ֣ה בְדָ֑עַת וּ֝כְסִ֗יל יִפְרֹ֥שׂ אִוֶּֽלֶת׃

[lxxxv] (Proverbs 14:8) It is the wisdom of a clever man to understand his course; But the stupidity of the dullard is delusion. חָכְמַ֣ת עָ֭רוּם הָבִ֣ין דַּרְכּ֑וֹ וְאִוֶּ֖לֶת כְּסִילִ֣ים מִרְמָֽה׃

[lxxxvi](Proverbs 14:15) A simple person believes anything; A clever man ponders his course.

פֶּ֭תִי יַאֲמִ֣ין לְכָל־דָּבָ֑ר וְ֝עָר֗וּם יָבִ֥ין לַאֲשֻׁרֽוֹ׃

[lxxxvii] (Proverbs 22:3) The shrewd man saw trouble and took cover; The simple kept going and paid the penalty. עָר֤וּם ׀ רָאָ֣ה רָעָ֣ה ויסתר [וְנִסְתָּ֑ר] וּ֝פְתָיִ֗ים עָבְר֥וּ וְֽנֶעֱנָֽשׁוּ׃

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